The Real World Guide to Being the Perfect Roommate
We open on Coral and Mike from The Real World Back to New York, who claim that they just moved out of their house. Mike looks pretty much the same. Coral (and I'm going with Coral instead of Quarrel because I feel that she redeemed herself by the end of the season) has shorter hair that kind of flips up at the ends. I'm not crazy about it. Anyway, Mike says that the members of his cast were the perfect roommates. For example, they were very mature at all times. Cut to footage of The Miz, Coco Loco, and the Teriyaki Terror wrestling. Coral adds that they were always patient with each other, and they show footage of Coral and Mike fighting over who is ruder. Then there are some credits featuring words like "naked" and "drunk" and finally we get the title of the show: "The Real World Guide to Being the Perfect Roommate."
After the short credit sequence, we're back to Mike and Coral, who apparently are our hosts. The editors keep using this effect where, in mid-sentence, it will switch to a different camera angle, and the picture is all yellow-tinted. Dude, this isn't Traffic and you're not Steven Soderbergh, so ease up on the effects. Coral explains that a new season is going to start soon, and they want to prevent the new cast from making the same mistakes made by roommates from the past. But first, Mike says, we need to meet the "seven strangers" who will live together in Chicago.
First up is Theo, who is nineteen. We see some shots from what is presumably his audition tape. Theo explains that he goes to Tuskegee University. In an interview, Theo thinks that he could teach his roommates something about what it's like to be a black man, and that he hopes to represent black men well, because he has an education. Just when you get your hopes up that there will somehow be two seasons in a row with a black male who is not a playa, Theo admits to the interviewer that he's a ladies' man. "Get Ur Freak On" by Missy Elliott plays as we see the many, many women who appeared on Theo's audition tape. Theo says something about "creeping low" and "nasty" that I didn't quite get, partially because it was bleeped in the middle. We're done with Theo now. Mike says that on the Perfect Roommate Scale, he gives Theo a five, because he's cool and down to earth. Coral holds up a ten, then covers up the one and says that she gives Theo a zero. Aw, yeah.
Next up is Cara, age twenty-two, who likes to flirt. Cara looks like a cross between Sarah Jessica Parker and Blossom. In her audition tape, Cara says that she's been "known to be a little bit promiscuous at times." She points out photos of her ex-boyfriend and then tells an interviewer that he was the only boyfriend she didn't cheat on. Except that she did cheat on him in the first month they were together. But that doesn't count. Hey, I have no problem with women having multiple sex partners. It's when cheating enters into it that I draw the line. So I kind of hate Cara already. Especially when she says that she likes to talk blatantly about sex. Class-ay. Especially when she says that it could potentially turn people on. I find the opposite to be true. Coral gives Cara a five, because she would only be a great roommate if you have a penis. Heh. Mike gives Cara an eight because he does have a penis. Ew. Shut up, Mike. Aren't we finished with you yet?