The Real World Guide to Being the Perfect Roommate
It's time to meet, Kyle, age twenty-two. He is originally from Lake Bluff, Illinois, and is now a senior at Princeton. We see a lot of footage of Kyle doing jock-type activities as he tells us that a lot of people think he's cocky before they meet him, but really he's a nice guy. Kyle also uses the phrase "wax my own car," which won points with me for originality. On his audition tape, Kyle dances like *NSYNC. Oh, no. That just brings up New Orleans Matt for me. Kyle claims that he hasn't hooked up with many girls, or had one-night stands, and he feels like he's missing out. Mike gives Kyle an eight, and makes a stupid joke about sex. Coral gives him a seven because he's "an educated man," although she doesn't know how he expects to hook up when he does that dance. Coral is cracking me up.
Kerri, age twenty-two, is from New Orleans, and has been drinking since she was fifteen. Or maybe thirteen. And this is impressive how, exactly? Kerri also never goes to bed at the same time, and sometimes she doesn't even sleep. Oh my God! Call the police! Send out the men with the butterfly nets! She's both criminal and insane! Not sleeping? Unheard of! I hate her. She's dating five different men, but she claims that she doesn't hurt anyone's feelings. Kerri thinks that she hides her sensitive side. See, she's got sad fucking clown syndrome, so she's a perfect cast member. Mike gives her a nine and makes a stupid (not to mention out of date) Austin Powers joke. Coral gives Kerri an eight, because she would be fun to go out with.
Chris is twenty-four years old, and he's gay. Apparently, that's the most important thing about him, because it's the first thing we learn. Chris is super-cute. His mother outed him to the family at Thanksgiving dinner. Before he told his mom about his sexual orientation, he turned to drugs as a way of escaping, but now he's sober. And he likes to play pool. Mike gives Chris a six, for reasons too stupid to repeat. Coral gives Chris an eight because he's been through a lot, and thus should be interesting. True. He also might be too mature to hang out with this crowd. I'm sure that I'm going to regret committing that opinion to print. And now we've met all of the roommates. So is it over?