Real World
The Show About Nothing

Episode Report Card
Jessica: C- | Grade It Now!
Sweet Home, Kentucky

As the plane careens toward earth, Jon voice-overs that he's looking forward to returning home, and especially to playing at Goldie's -- the bar he played every Friday and Saturday night for two years. Is anything even remotely interesting going to happen in this episode? Because I'm feeling very, very sleepy.

What looks like the entire town of Owensboro, Kentucky meets Jon at the airport. He's blathering something about having a picture-perfect idea of home in his head and wanting to return to that and all he ever wanted was right in his own backyard and yada yada blee de blah, but all of my attention is directed toward these girls at the airport, all of whom are wearing official Jon Brennan t-shirts, which, frankly, is a little scary to me. Immediately after deplaning, Jon is engulfed by a gaggle of squealing women, including his sister and mother, both of whom shriek about his hair. I don't know why -- he still has the mullet.

Cut back to the West Coast. Dom, Aaron, and Glen are trudging up Bruin Walk, UCLA's main thoroughfare. This season takes place the year before I started at UCLA and it looks just like I remembered it and I feel very nostalgic for college as I watch this. I really enjoyed college. There's a shot of the Bruin Bear -- the statute of UCLA's mascot -- and the coffee house, and the student union the way it used to look, before it was remodeled during my junior year. Ah, college! How I miss it! Although I don't miss not having any money and living in a one-bedroom apartment with two other girls and one of their boyfriends, even though I liked all of them. And I really don't miss our next-door neighbor, who tried to have us evicted for playing the radio at noon on a weekday. She was insane. Anyway. In an interview, Aaron says that he's having a real problem living in the house and concentrating on his studies, because it's so loud. I'm sure it would have been quieter in his fraternity house, which was known, by the way, for throwing a fundraiser every fall called "Chippendale's Night," in which girls from all over campus would shove inside the main room of the fraternity, violating all fire laws, to watch as the more attractive fraternity brothers stripped almost completely butt naked for cash. Jell-O shots were involved. From what I hear, that's an atmosphere very conducive to serious study.

Aaron takes Glen and Dom to look at Royce Hall, which is probably the most famous of all of UCLA's buildings, and then to watch a girl band perform on the quad at lunch. He says that he's giving "a show and tell" to his roommates, because he doesn't think they quite get what he does on campus all day. What he seems to be doing, mostly, is socializing, since he knows almost everyone who walks past them. Dom voice-overs that UCLA seems like a "big social club, with classes between the socializing." Which is partially true. The other part is when you're a dip like I was, who really enjoyed the school part of school, and whose plan was to go to grad school and get a PhD and become a professor and so you spend hours and hours in the library and study your ass off and then you still don't get into the graduate schools you wanted to go to, and then you become a copywriter and then you get laid off and lie around and collect unemployment. I should have spent more time drinking, people! But don't get me wrong, I spent plenty of time drinking. Wow, where was I? Right, Aaron is BMOC.

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Real World




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