Back in Kentucky, Jon shows his family pictures of his roommates, and the house, and the bits of Los Angeles he's seen, which is basically the view from the sofa. They ooh and ah. Jon voice-overs that he misses his roommates, and that he never expected to feel that way. I. Am. So. Bored. Nobody cares! Get back to crazy Tami and her wired-shut jaw!
Apparently, Owensboro is the barbecue capital of the world, and indeed, Jon attends one huge-ass barbecue while he's at home. Hmmm, barbecue. Over shots of ribs and chili, he voice-overs that he's a big fish in a small pond in Owensboro and a small fish in a big pond in Los Angeles. Hmmm, fish.
Goldie comes to Jon's house to pick him up for a show of some unspecified sort. As Jon lumbers into Goldie's van, he explains that she gave him his big start, and that he loves her for it. She's wearing, appropriately, a flashy gold jumpsuit. I wonder if her entire wardrobe is gold.
The show? At a middle school. It's very O-Town. Without the choreography. The middle school kids go crazy wild for Jon. It's like that famous footage of girls crying and ripping out their hair, watching the Beatles perform on Ed Sullivan. Except that was the Beatles. And this is Jon. He gives some crazy pseudo-inspirational speech about dreams and ambition and whatnot, and then starts to sing and everyone -- I'm telling you, five hundred people, including grown men -- leap to their feet and start screaming and yelling and singing along. I'm making the same face that Director Dan made earlier. The "help me" face.
Jon neatly hands Bunim/Murray a segue by telling us that he wasn't wild about school and studying, back when he was a student. He reminds us that Aaron attends UCLA, and that they don't have anything like that in Owensboro.
Cut to Aaron in what looks like a Statistics class, with Glen and Dom sitting on either side. Dom's trying his damnedest to make time with the cute girl next to him, in the middle of the lecture! She is very cute, but I think she's trying to take freaking notes, dude. Wait until after class! God, I'm a nerd. Anyway, Aaron yammers about how this is a graduate-level class, and it's very hard. Dom voice-overs that the class seemed "like common sense" and that he'd "seriously consider school again." Then we get a shot of him grinning toothily at the co-ed next to him. See, that was my problem with Stats (which, thank you, I had to drop because I would have failed. I then enrolled in what my Dad supportively called BoneHead Math, which I did quite well in, thank God, because if I hadn't passed it, I wouldn't have graduated and then I would have been killed in a gory family ritual designed by my parents to impress upon my sister the importance of doing one's math homework). In lecture, it all seems like common sense. And then on the test, it makes no sense at all. On the other hand, I was an English major, dude. I don't know from Stats. ["I was an English student, too, but thank god there was a required Science course, not Math, and it was called 'Science for Society.' Real Science students were not allowed to take it. The second-term paper (there was one per term) was a letter to a politician about an environmental issue important to you. It was worse than BoneHead Math, I'm sure. Um, anyway." -- Wing Chun] Enough about me (yeah, that'll be the day). ["Sorry to join Jessica in the trip down memory lane." -- Wing Chun] Dom's only problem with UCLA is that "there are no bars on campus," and don't even get me started about that. It was a huge issue that the campus was dry, and every year, someone would run for student body office on the "get a bar on campus" ticket and they'd always bitch about how Cal has a bar on campus and UCSD has a bar on campus and yada yada yada, we never got a bar on campus. And yet somehow, no one ever dropped dead from having to walk a hundred feet into Westwood to get a beer. And that concludes our Dom = Alcoholic portion of the program. Thank you for watching.