The gang is at Rocky's Bar, drinking and eating pizza. Well, it looks like it's just Jamie, Melissa, Ryan, and the Michaels. Melissa tells Ryan that she thinks he and his friends should come to her birthday party because New Orleans is all about "food, pizza, fun, and boot-izzy." Isn't that the new slogan for the New Orleans Chamber of Commerce? The captioning actually identifies Melissa's laugh after that as a "drunken giggle," in case you couldn't tell by the way she was speaking. In a confessional, Melissa says that she was drinking to avoid interacting with Ryan because she doesn't like making him sad, and she wants the whole issue to completely go away. Back in the bar, Melissa sucks down about half of her drink in one sip. Jamie tells her she won't make her birthday party if she keeps drinking at this rate. They bicker back and forth. Ryan just looks at them. I think they are trying to make it out like Ryan is all jealous of Jamie, but he really just looks kind of bored and slightly amused. And he looks like Dave Grohl.
They all walk into the Red Room. In an interview, Melissa says that Jamie planned this party for her. We see Melissa on stage, dancing with the drag queens while Ryan watches. They all sing "Happy Birthday" while Jamie stands there with a cake. Hey, this is the night that Bead was talking about in her Extra! I start scanning the crowd for Bead, but then realize that I've never met her and have no idea what she looks like. The drag queen changes the end of "Happy Birthday" to something about "spank your ass" and Melissa pulls up her dress to show off said ass. Okay, after all this sordid fare, it's time for that extra-special segment of the show that we like to call "Matt Passes Judgment."
In an interview, Matt says that Ryan seems like "a cool kid" and he feels bad for him. Ryan came to see Melissa and the first night he's there, "she's getting freaky with drag queens," dancing on the table at Red Room. Matt concludes that it's not the welcoming he would want when he goes to visit his girlfriend. First of all, he doesn't have a girlfriend. Second of all, it's not like Melissa just decided to act like this while Ryan was there. She acts like that all the time! I'm sure Ryan is aware of how Melissa acts in bars, and everywhere else. And third, I missed the part where someone was holding a gun to Ryan's head and forcing him to stay at the bar if he was so uncomfortable. I can't believe Matt has put me in the position of defending Melissa, who continues to dance on the tables with men while Ryan watches some more. In a confessional, Melissa says she drank a lot (no, really?) and her excuse is that she's never been the one in the relationship to say that it's not working out, and the whole thing backfired.