Suddenly, out of nowhere, Danny grabs Kelley and just starts making out with her. I mean, he kisses her, but there is definitely tongue involved. The hell? And then, right in the middle of the kiss, there is a cut to a different camera angle, so either they kissed for a really long time or they kissed more than once and it was spliced together to look like one really long kiss. Kelley pulls away, laughing, and says, "That's it! That's it!" And then it is never mentioned again. What is it this week with the producers dropping the ball on interesting statements? First, they don't follow up on David's mother's problems, then they let Matt claim they might kick David out of the house, and now no one comments on Danny and Kelley's kiss. Jamie was sitting right there, and he didn't even notice.
Melissa and David, former sworn enemies, are dancing together on the table, and David has removed his tank top. In an interview, David says he has to "be the man" because it's Melissa's day, so he's not going to stir things up. He explains that he had no money, so his birthday gift for Melissa had to be "economical" and "something that you can see." Apparently, his gift is his body, based on the fact that he is still dancing on the table, but now he has no pants. But when he was talking about his gift, he was so serious and had such a straight face. I guess he really thinks that his body is a gift, and not that he looks like an oversized freak. So David is in his underwear on the table, dancing with Melissa. Kelley hops up there and puts her leg on his shoulder, and he totally feels her up. Like full-on hands on breasts, with lingering. Ew! Eeeew! David says it was a nice excuse to get up on stage, take off your clothes and "embarrass your mama." Who needs an excuse? In a confessional, Melissa says that a prime indicator that the house is "completely dysfunctional and fun at the same time" is that she can curse David out, and then he can strip at her party and suddenly they're good friends and laughing together. She says it was the best birthday party ever with strangers. Then there is the scariest shot of Matt dancing, but he didn't bust out any b-boy moves.
Jamie enters the house. In an interview, he says that he dropped off Ryan and the Michaels, and then Melissa was all over him like "white on rice." Danny and Kelley are sitting in the bedroom, and in walks a very drunk Melissa wearing only a T-shirt and some bikini underwear. And she must have changed her underwear, because it's not the same pair she flashed on stage earlier. Melissa asks where Jamie is, and Danny says he thought Jamie was with her. Melissa says Jamie got sick of her because she kept trying to "rape him" in Ryan's presence. Jamie walks in and Melissa puts her arms around his neck and says, "Will...you marry me because I'm...in love with you and I think...you should grab my buttocks." If only I could get such a romantic marriage proposal. A girl can dream. It's very distracting because throughout this scene, they keep panning down and getting shots of Jamie's crotch, like is the cameraperson in love with him or what? Everyone laughs at Melissa's drunken antics. In an interview, Jamie says that everyone knows it's not a joke, but the way Melissa says things, they can always say it is a joke. Melissa asks Jamie, "Does this look nice?" as she bends over in front of him and rubs her butt on his crotch. He also keeps grabbing his crotch. What is the deal with that? In an interview, Jamie says that they all say Melissa flirting with him is a joke, but it's not really. I would say something about how he thinks so much of himself, but Melissa clearly does want him. Melissa comes out and dances in the hallway for Kelley and Danny, who are peeing themselves laughing. It is pretty funny. She's doing like faux-ballet in her underwear and singing to herself. Jamie is on the phone trying to explain all the noise. Suddenly, David is there and Melissa says that she was mean to him and she's sorry, but she "got up stupid" that day and now she "done had some drinks" and is feeling fine. David doesn't really say anything, and Melissa wonders aloud if she, David, and Jamie could "get in a menagerie." Okay, I admit that I was laughing at Melissa at this point, and even almost liking her, and I figured out why. This humanized her to me. In previous episodes, everything she said and did seemed so calculated. But in this episode, she was just goofy drunk, and it cracked me up. David gives Melissa a piggyback ride to her bed.