Aw, you dicks! It's a friggin' double episode. Hate, with the burning power of a million suns. Hate, like Mel Gibson hates the Jews. Hate, like my cat hates the vacuum cleaner. Hate!
Previously...Bossman Ricky Croft told the kids to get ready for Fantasy Fest...which I thought we dealt with, like, episodes ago. Wilma fucked up Fantasy Fest, but John predicted Key West wouldn't give up and would have Fantasy Fest anyway! Yeah! Take that, you pussy-ass devastating force of nature.
Opening. Kids. Speech. Melanoma. The Real World is so on the way out. How long before Jonathan Murray is in the Culver City MTV offices pitching that they change the format to be all glossy and pseudo-scripted and Laguna Beach-y? I'd guess a few months ago. Hope he remembered to get his parking validated before he got on the elevator, mumbling, "Well, I think that went well." Because it's really embarrassing to have to go back for the parking sticker, possibly overhearing the executives saying something hurtful like, "Mary-Ellis sure was the brains of that organization, huh?" Something like that might just make a man cry.
Montage Of Daytime Portion of Fantasy Fest, I guess. With lots of people standing around in costumes and painting faces and eating hot dogs and wondering why no one's showing their boobs. Or maybe that's just what I'm wondering.
Salon. John and Bossman Ricky Croft discuss the float for the upcoming FF parade. John and Paula will be bronzed on the float, shooting streamers. Huh? John says he's been waiting for FF for a while. John camera-exposits a lot of shit about FF, and keeps describing his float ideas to Bossman Ricky Croft. Bossman Ricky Croft actually rolls his eyes when John tells him that Janelle will be playing the "Queen Fairy." He probably rolls his eyes, thinking, "Shouldn't that be Tyler?" Proving that I'm right, Bossman Ricky Croft turns and asks Tyler what he's going to be wearing. He says he'll be wearing nothing. Meh. And also: don't.
Janelle asks Bossman Ricky Croft to have a conversation with her across the street. They sit at an outdoor cafÃ©, ordering nothing. I hate that. At least get an iced tea or something. It's a business, douchebags. Anyway, the Queen Fairy launches into a whole speech in which she reveals some shocking things. She says that she was admitted to law school (really?) right before she came to Key West. And that she was planning to give up her "career" in makeup to pursue law. But, Janelle goes on to say, seeing Bossman Ricky Croft so passionate about something that "[he's] very convinced about" (heh) has given her the inspiration to pursue makeup, fuck the law. (Is she talking about Bossman Ricky being passionate about Mystic Tan or blogging? (Aw, he still has no comments on most entries. Aw, he still thinks The Real World is anyone's favorite reality show. That's so darling. Stay gold, Bossman Ricky Croft.) "If it makes you happy, everything else kind of really doesn't matter anymore, you know?" he says. Bossman Ricky Croft encourages Janelle, saying that "success is a journey," adding that she's touched him. And since she's touched him...he asks to hug her. She gives him an awkward hug. Aw, Bossman Ricky Croft has literally never affected anyone's life in a positive way, so this is really a big deal for him. Now, post-hug, Janelle and Bossman Ricky Croft find that they have to walk back across the street to the salon together. Awkward.