Real World
Vroom! Vroom!

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Vroom! Vroom!

B-roll of Springtime in London. Mike is playing blade hockey with some people who want to be on TV...uh, I mean, "friends." Michael's voice over explains that his spirits have been lifted by the Outward Bound experience and the warmer weather. He says he still doesn't have any money, but "the racing is starting, at least." We see him on the phone with some guy who offers him a car and a team if he can come up with $5,000. I thought he'd already gotten on a team? I thought that when his father came to town, all that money and team stuff got settled. Whatever. Nevertheless, Mike is stoked and annoys the housemates to no end with his tales of racing and plans for the future. Neil tells Mike how boring he finds car racing. "What is there to see?" asks Neil, launching into a highly amusing imitation of what it's like to watch racing by craning his neck a lot and going, "Vroooooom!" Mike tells Neil that he'll get caught up in the excitement when he comes to see the race. Neil vows to come, but only to throw tacks onto the racetrack. Neil, you are so punk rock with that whole "tack" idea.

Mike goes out to meet the Redgraves. No, not Vanessa and Lynn. The Redgraves run a racing team; they're the ones who want to give Mike a spot. They show him the cars and the garage; Mike struts around, taking everything in while wearing that black-jacket-with- black-legging thing in which he always races, and which makes him look like a gay Flamenco dancer. And again, Mike voice-overs that this is the greatest garage/team/car in all of England, even though he has said just that about every car place he's visited. Oh, and Mike's hair is doing some things that I never imagined possible. Remember when Mike's parents came for a visit, and by the end of that visit, his hair was getting really long, even though he was buzzing the sides? Well, the sides are still getting buzzed even though everything else is getting longer.

The Thames River at night. Mike is on the phone, and according to that white squiggly line, he's talking to his father. Now, obviously, even Mike has noticed by now that there is something wrong with his hair, because he has attempted to blow it dry it so that it forms these glorious fluffy bales on his head. Only it's not working. Mike asks his father for a loan of $10,000. Mike's father pulls a passive-aggressive number on him. "I'll put ten thousand into your account...but I don't know where I'll get it," Duke says meekly. Then he informs Mike that he'll have to pay the interest on said loan. Mike tells his father that he "loves" him, and then in an interview -- where, thankfully, he is wearing a baseball cap -- says how good it feels to be "helped." "Helped"? You're being loan sharked, Mike! I'll bet that if Mike were trapped in a well by Jame Gumb, he'd thank him for the use of his lotion. "You're a real pal, Jame! My hands were just getting chapped. Say, what is that thing you're sewing? Sure looks pretty!"

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Real World

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