Real World
Vroom! Vroom!

Episode Report Card
Gustave: C- | Grade It Now!
Vroom! Vroom!

The phone rings. Mike, his hair still wet from the shower, answers it wearing a pair of knee-length shorts...and nothing else. And let me just say that although there is nothing technically wrong with Mike's body -- except for the fact that his nipples are too close together, he's whiter than a sheet of paper...and Mike's personality inhabits it -- he really shouldn't be walking around half naked. Ever. The caller is Mike's friend Sean, who tells him that he's coming to England. Mike explains in an interview that Sean is a friend of his who is trying to line up sponsorship for Mike. Actually, Sean was already introduced to us in episode 5, but it's not exactly unwise of Mike to remind us about Sean, since it's not like most of us are paying attention. Furthermore, let's review Sean's role in Mike's life, shall we? Mike is participating in a popular documentary TV series that is being broadcast all over the world. He is looking for sponsorship for a car that he will be racing while he is participating in said TV documentary. Sean has not been able to convince a sponsor to invest a piddling amount of money into a racing team so that its logo will be seen all over the world...and several times over, thanks to reruns. Sean was not able to convince a company to help itself to a buttload of free advertising. Sean is an idiot. Oh -- and this has got to be the most unflattering shot of Mike ever. He is posing against a hot pink backdrop. He wears a black leather jacket over a white t-shirt. The lighting is really harsh, like when an actress is aging so they overexpose the shot so the glare will reduce the appearances of fine lines. Unfortunately, it doesn't hide the cold sores all around Mike's mouth. And his hair is truly special. It looks like Doris Day took a curling wand to her bangs and then got into a fistfight with her Mexican boyfriend who then threw her out of the house just as it started to rain. Sean asks Mike whether Kat is "cute." Apparently, he thinks he and she had something going on over the phone when she answered it. Mike says that Kat has "a cute face." Um, what the frig is that supposed to mean? Is Mike trying to say that Kat is fat? Mike encourages Sean's crush by telling him that Kat once asked him how Sean can be a racecar driver since he's so tall.

Kat: Um, hi, Mary-Ellis. You wanted to see me?
Bunim: Yes, Kat, please come in and sit down. And close the door behind you, would you, hon?
Kat: So what's up?
Bunim: Well, Kat, I'm not going to sugarcoat this. We've been going over the footage, and frankly there's nothing here. We just had to do a segment devoted entirely to the fact that you guys hadn't paid the phone bill.
Kat: But dude, that was totally interesting! I mean, you have no idea how frustrating it is not to have a phone! I think a lot of viewers could relate.
Bunim: Kat, let's cut the crap. This season is sinking faster than a stone. It's so bad, I just spent the entire morning on the phone with Duke Johnson begging him to come back and visit Mike. I may even have to get that busty poetry girl again. We're really clutching at straws, here.
Kat: I'm really trying, Mary-Ellis. I mean, I'm fencing every day, and stuff.
Bunim: Please don't take this the wrong way, Kat, but no one cares about your fencing. We need to see some good television in these last few weeks, Kat. Are we on the same page?
Kat: I'm not sure.
Bunim: Let me put it this way: Mike's got a friend named Sean. He's coming to visit Mike. You have to fool around with him.
Kat: [swallowing] Um. Okay, but how do we know if he's, you know, cute enough for me to fool around with? I mean, he's friends with Mike.
Bunim: We did some research. He has all his limbs and his parents weren't related by blood. I think he'll do just fine. Thanks for stopping by, Kat. Oh, and this conversation never happened. Got it?

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