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Wanted: Dead or Alive

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Wanted: Dead or Alive

Later that night, Sarah lies on top of Landon, who relays MJ's stool experience. Hee. "Stool." That never stops being funny to me. In a confessional, Sarah says that she doesn't understand the violence. Landon says that they had three CDs thrown at them by people driving by. Landon asks Karamo whether he's talked to MJ yet, and talks about the stool-throwing incident. Karamo gets all sarcastic, pretending he's concerned. Landon misses the sarcasm and keeps complaining about their shitty night, and Karamo just laughs. In a confessional, Karamo says that he's finding it hard to be empathetic or sympathetic.

Karamo walks into the kitchen, and MJ says he's sure Karamo heard about the night's drama, but MJ says it in a tone that suggests he's expecting Karamo to relate to the experience or something. It's so not the same thing. When it happened, the cops didn't come and immediately blame MJ, pulling him out of the bar and patting him down. MJ interviews that he was physically assaulted, but that he didn't blow up or create a scene, and that you have to learn to get over stuff. I'm going to raise my "Shut up, MJ" to a "Fuck off, MJ." Karamo mumbles that karma's a bitch. MJ doesn't hear it, and Karamo pretends he was talking about strawberry jelly. Karamo smirks to himself as he walks away.

Some other day, a package arrives for the roommates and they wait for everyone to gather before they tear into it. Sarah notes that the return address reads, "Soul Arena Football." MJ interviews that he played college football, but that he wasn't drafted by the pros. Karamo opens the box, and everyone grabs the football jerseys inside. Karamo reads the letter, which explains that they'll be working for the Philadelphia Soul arena football team. They get jerseys and an introductory DVD, as well as tickets to a game. Melanie interviews that she was excited, and that football is a new thing for her. The roommates sit down to watch the DVD, and Jon Bon Jovi is on it, because he's a co-owner of the team. MJ interviews that he doesn't know if he's more excited about "working for the team or getting to meet Bon Jovi and his feathered bangs." Okay, heh. Also, Bon Jovi is the band. Jon Bon Jovi is the person. If you don't know the difference, I think Tico Torres would like to have a word with you. And Tico is scary.

The roommates pile into an SUV and head for the stadium. Willie is excited to make money. They arrive at the stadium and head to a suite to watch the game. MJ interviews that seeing the team together is hard for him, because he misses that. The team actually has fans who, like, dress up and stuff. Who knew? Shavonda interviews that arena football is a scaled-down version of regular football, and that she thinks it's "more ballsier [sic]" than regular football. Heh. Yeah, that's why all the premium college athletes go right into the arena league. Fuck the NFL!

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