Pay phone. The camera respectfully films from across the street as Melissa yells and cries. "I DON'T have TIME, Cesar! You make me feel like I'm neglecting you!" In a sit-down, Melissa says she's worried that Cesar's "gonna hold [her] back." Hmm. Back to the pay phone: "You're breaking my heart...because it HURTS! It HURTS, Cesar." Not as much as it hurts him, maybe. Oh, who cares.

Melissa looks sad as Dan gets some tarot cards ready. OY, this is contrived. Cyn says tarot is against what she believes in, and Dan makes a spooky spooky ghost noise. WhoooOOOOoooo! Then Bruce Willis pops out and says, "Hey! Remember when I got shot? And the kid said he saw dead people? All the time? Then why the fuck were you people surprised when you finally 'learned' I was dead?" Kidding -- he doesn't, but YOU ALL SHOULD HAVE KNOWN! Even my mom saw that coming a mile away. So Dan reads the cards for forlorn-faced Melissa (he doesn't need to use the book!), and they say she doesn't like commitment right now, and one card represents a selfish woman, and that she's trying to "play both ends," and that "everything is gonna fall apart." Okay then!

Dan approaches a club -- look, the velvet rope! I'm feeling tired just seeing it on TV. Maybe this is proof that I'm getting old, but there is nothing more clichéd than a stupid dance club. Dancing is cool, clubs are okay, and going out at night to raise hell is fine with me -- but somehow a great big monolithic club with a velvet rope and lights and Jock Jams blasting gives me hives now. Anyways, Dan says he's looking for a guy named Eric because he's here to interview him. The doorguys look blank for a bit; then one says Eric won't be interested because he isn't out yet and his parents read "that magazine." Dan says the interview won't even be about that, and the other doorguys, like parrots, say, "But it's WAR-saw." Warsaw is not just a city in Poland: it's a big fat gay bar too. So it can't be publicly known that Eric works there. Whoops, cameras, heh heh. Dan gets it, and he goes off to a pay phone to call Arnie, with his voice-over saying, "Being gay is hard, but you have to deal with it." Wow, go Dan!