Real World
We Come to Dump Cesar, Not to Praise Him

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Alex Richmond: D | Grade It Now!
We Come to Dump Cesar, Not to Praise Him

Dan and Arnie, in snuggle-cocoon number two, are also having a great time. Hooray for them. Yawn.

Dan says he wants to show Arnie photos of himself in drag. My eyeballs start to burn; Dan would probably look like a young Bea Arthur in drag. Just add seventies clothes and -- poof! And then there's Maude! His incessant repetition of the word "horrendous" attached to the Dan-in-drag general debacle does nothing to quell my fears. Thankgodfully (tm xix), we see no such photos. Whew!

The two lie in a hammock together, head to foot. Arnie talks wistfully about seeing George Bush speak (the former president, not G. Dub or even George P.), and that "he's so cool." Exsqueeze me? I bet Arnie lives in a log cabin somewhere. Dan says incredulously, "You like George Bush? You are so craaaazy!" Someone get Dan on the McLaughlin Group, stat. The moon in the sky shines like a big pizza pie as they play in the pool together. Oh, YAWN, this happy stuff is SO boring. Dan wraps himself in a curtain like Carmen Miranda, they wrestle playfully on a bed, go out and wear funny hats in public, we GET. IT. Dan and Arnie dig each other.

The Wallflowers play "5th Avenue Heartache." It's 2 a.m. Cesar comes over to the house with a few friends. They are not quiet. They all take a loud, drunken tour until finally Joe complains and Melissa has to herd them all out. G'wan -- you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. Cesar looks pissed, but hey, it's common courtesy, dude. In a voice-over Melissa says that he's become "really really really jealous and really really really possessive," and that lately she's seen a side of him she's never seen before.

The "Don't leave me hiiiigh!" song is playing AGAIN. Melissa is griping to Cynthia about Cesar. She was with him "four days in a row!" and he's still pissy. "He thinks I'm not going to need him anymore!" There will always be doors that need opening, unless we move quickly into the future and have those cool Star Trek doors that make that whoosh! noise. But that hasn't happened...yet. Cyn gets all wise and says, "You know what the problem is...he has to share you with something right now, and he doesn't like that." Melissa says she's used to "a lot less arguing," and Cyn adds that it's "not a healthy relationship." Well, bring on the drama, we're primed and ready!

Dan's on the phone with Arnie, wheedling for a date. Finally he says, "Just come over and plaaay with meee," and Mike, Joe, and Sarah, all within earshot, immediately start busting on him. Mike says, "Little Danny handy baby has no one to play with!" Heh. But Mike is still a lunkhead.

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Real World




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