Real World
We Come to Dump Cesar, Not to Praise Him

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Alex Richmond: D | Grade It Now!
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We Come to Dump Cesar, Not to Praise Him

Brandy sings her "Sittin' Up In My Room" song, and once again, the music makes me queasy. Arnie arrives, and he and Dan smoochy-smooch through the glass panel by the front door. They get into Arnie's car and drive off to dinner. Voice-over of Dan talking about rules and relationships evolving. This is BORING. In the restaurant, Dan says, "I'm having a spasm in my leg." Arnie says, "Like the one I had last night?" He giggles, and then Dan goes over and spills poster paints down Arnie's Garanimals. Dan says, "You never stop thinking about sex, do you?" Arnie says that had nothing to do with sex and that he was joking. RIGHT.

Joe's on the phone, being all business-like and stuff. "We've come down here to start a business...we've been given a certain amount of start-up capital...what we're looking for is people who know the area that can tell us the type of business the area needs." WHAT!? Did Joe just ask the Miami Chamber of Commerce (and so says the arrow pointing to the phone) WHAT KIND OF BUSINESS the roomies should start up? If I ever had any respect for Joe (scanning for respect -- sorry, the scan reveals no data), it's absolutely gone now. Jesus, if anyone gave me cash and a deadline I'd have ideas to choose from, not like these chuckleheads. Ever see Stigmata? The beauty parlor where Patricia Arquette works is too cool -- and there's not one like it here in Philly. Or I would open a cool-ass independent book and magazine store. Or a boutique! Or...see, I have ideas. What is WRONG with this Miami crew?! God, I bet they cringed for like a year straight after this ended.

So anyways, the guy on the other end of the phone says to Joe (and I can only HOPE they weren't called by MTV before this actually happened and prompted by them to respond how they did), "I can give you demographic info, but the type of business that you're looking for..." He trails off and Joe leaps to with a "Yeah?" "That's really up to you, and your group." And they should be THANKFUL to have the choice and the freedom to decide! Oh boy. Then Joe says to Mike, "They said they couldn't pick the business for us." Oh GOD, what if they had said "cleaning toilets" or "slaughtering animals" -- would they have done that? Christ.

So, three roomies (Mike, Joe, and Cynthia) set out to pound the pavement and see what business Miami "needs." I'm not going to get into the semantics of the word "need," but NOTHING they've suggested is really necessary. They're not trying to save the world, and there's nothing wrong with just trying to open a business and make some cash -- so let's drop all this "need" shit right now.

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