Real World
We Hate David

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We Hate David

Beth, Jon, David, and two of David's friends go shopping on Melrose for the day. Requisite Melrose Avenue shots follow: punky-looking kids, barely clothed babes, artsy graffiti, whatever. It's basically the opening credits of Melrose Place without Heather Locklear. In an interview, Tami, in a velvet hat and seriously complicated dangly earrings, tells us that at first, she was irritated that David's friends were horning in on her bonding time with her roommates. Back on Melrose, Tami gets a tattoo. David also gets a tattoo, because, Tami says, he wants to be just like her. It's hard to tell what kind of tattoo Tami gets -- it looks like a daisy, on her lower stomach -- but David gets the dorkiest tattoo ever: the masks of comedy and tragedy right above his nipple. Men, do me a favor: Don't ever get the masks of comedy and tragedy permanently inked on your body. I promise you, when you take your shirt off to reveal that tattoo, no woman in the world is going to think, "Ooooh, the masks of comedy and tragedy. I'm in for some hot lovin'!" No, instead, she will think, "What a poseur. Where are my pants?" Trust me on this one.

On Melrose, the kids take Jon to Spike Lee's store (no longer there, by the way) to, as Tami says "hip hop him out a little bit." Jon models a XXXXXL baseball jersey with a big old X (as in Malcolm) over the breast. Somewhere, Malcolm X turns in his grave. Tami buys the top for herself, but voice-overs that Jon is sticking to "strictly country-western." She takes the bag from the saleswoman, who looks about as pissed as I've ever seen a saleswoman look. Maybe she was offended by Jon's pseudo-hip-hop mugging for the camera.

And this is the part of the show when David and his two friends "heckle" (to use David's word) every vaguely attractive woman on the street. He says "heckle." I prefer "harass," because they're cat-calling, and whoo-hooing and trying to talk to women who are clearly attempting to mind their own damn business. Point number two for you single heterosexual men out there: Asking a woman what she does, and following up your question by looking over the rims of your sunglasses like River Phoenix in A Night in the Life of Jimmy Reardon and asking, "I mean, what do you do weeeeelllll?" is not going to get you into anyone's pants. Capisce? David explains that he and his friends had a little contest going, to see who could pick up the most numbers by the end of the day. I wonder what happens when they all tie at zero. Tami explains that she decided not to go out with David, after their day on Melrose. He says in an interview that that's "fine! If you want to dis me like that, it's no problem."

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Real World

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