Real World
We Hate David

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Jessica: D | Grade It Now!
We Hate David

Back at the house, Tami explains that she can't take David seriously, as a date, after she's seen him picking up on other women all day. David gets all angry and says Tami is spoiled. Tami says that, be that as it may, even if they had gone out to dinner, it wouldn't have been the two of them, because David's friends would have tagged along. David yells that it "wouldn't have been that way." Tami swings to the angry side of her symphony of moods. "No! No! No!" she says, stridently. "I feel that it would!" David says it wouldn't, and that they had plans, and she just "up and cancelled the date!" Hint number three for the studio audience: When you are with a person in whom you are romantically interested, it is not a good idea to attempt to pick up other people in front of them.

Talking to one of his buddies in the bathroom, David complains that Tami "calls him a womanizer, and then she goes out and does Evil Woman Shit, like that." Lovely. Eventually, David tells us, everyone apologizes. Tami shakes David's friends' hands and laughs merrily, as she swings from pissed back to pleased. In an interview, she beams and tells us that she and David "will continue to be friends." In this interview setting, Tami is in front of a roaring fire, but it looks like she's sitting in the middle of a burning building. I have no idea what just happened there.

David plasters a mud mask on his face in the confessional and admits that his pursuit of Tami is over. He then says something in a completely inexplicable accent. I think he was supposed to be imitating someone, but I have no idea whom.

Beth, Jon and Tami dig into dessert at the Cheesecake Factory. They get on to the subject of their most embarrassing moments. I'd like to take a sidebar and ask Beth to please, please, please do something about her eyebrows. They're like twin caterpillars crawling toward one another in the middle of her forehead. They make James Van Der Beek's brows look delicate. They scare me. Tami tells a story about what she calls "those booty lifter things" -- basically, a pair of pantyhose with the ass removed which serve to, er, lift your booty. Apparently, it lifts one's booty only temporarily, and Tami, like Cinderella, stayed too long at the ball; her artificially lifted booty sagged in front of all and sundry. Jon and Beth look vaguely stunned at Tami's story of the booty lifter gone wrong.

In an interview, Tami admits that she went on the game show Studs. I don't know if Studs was a nation-wide phenomenon, but if not, here's a quick rundown: It's like the love child of Blind Date and The Dating Game, in which two girls each go out with the same three guys, and everyone meets up later to dis and discuss. At the end, there's some picking and choosing -- my memory begins to fail me here, but, basically, it's a very tacky show. ["I used to watch it every night. Poor Mark DeCarlo." -- Wing Chun] Tami says that "one day [she] was in [her] office, thinking 'I should do Studs again,' and they just happened to call me!" How serendipitous. I'm sure it had nothing to do with your being on MTV, Tami.

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Real World




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