Real World
We Hate David

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Jessica: D | Grade It Now!
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We Hate David

In interview, Irene says that she "doesn't need to take that shit from him, or from anybody in this house!" Sing it, sister. I'm beginning to wonder if Irene and Tim got married during the run of the show just to get poor Irene out of living with this motley group of chuckleheads and yahoos. When I was living in the dorms my sophomore year in college, my next-door neighbor hated dorm life so much that he and his girlfriend ran off to Vegas and got married to get out of their dorm contracts. ["They obviously didn't want de-elevator to get them down." -- Wing Chun] They were also totally nuts, but that's a long story.

Where was I? Irene. She storms out of the bowling alley. Dom chases after her, but it's too late. David, hot on Dom's trail, starts in again. I hate David. Dom does too. He tries to reason with David. David squeals. Dom tries to walk away from David. David screams that his "face is still talking." Eventually, Dom seduces David inside with the promise of a beer. Alcohol: Dom's equivalent of the olive branch. In an interview, Dom wishes that David would stop thinking everyone was against him. Don't hold your breath, darling.

If I was part of the crack editing team at B/M Productions, I would have ended this episode there. But there's more. Back at the Beach House, the boys are playing pool, and David is still reliving the horror of having been ditched, after telling everyone to leave without him. He keeps talking. Talk, talk, talk. Shut up, David.

Jon explains in an interview, that because David is a comedian, he's always "on." He says it's really annoying. Word.

Irene calls the house. She talks to a concerned Aaron and a concerned Beth. This is such a stupid argument. On the phone, Aaron says that they need to talk about their problems, or things will only get worse. Irene talks to David over the phone. David apologizes. They set a house meeting for Tuesday night.

House meeting. Arguments about dishes, and messes. David can't handle it. He says he's in a bad mood. Dom storms off. Beth tells David to shut his mouth, because she's on the phone with her sister (in the middle of the meeting? Oh, whatever). David tells her to shut her mouth. This is the part where, if I lived with these people, I would scream at both of them to shut their respective mouths and tell everyone that I hate them all and that if anyone calls for me, I can be reached at the Ritz-Carlton Marina del Rey, in a suite of rooms being charged to the AMEX Platinum of a certain Mary-Ellis Bunim. But then I would have missed the part where, after Beth gets off the phone, David freaks out entirely and tells her she should have given him the choice of taking the call, or allowing her to tell the person on the other line to call back. My favorite part of all of this is the fact that Tami is standing next to David and staring, dully, off into space. She's paying no attention whatsoever. Beth squalls and walks off. And David yells, "don't walk away! Because you think you all that and you ain't! That's why you got those big-ass hairy ass pimples on your face, because you deserve them!" Tami's stone face doesn't change. Jon, in an interview, says that David wasn't trying to be funny, that he was trying to hurt Beth's feelings, and that he did. He wrinkles his nose. Irene, in an interview, says that David brings out the worst in everyone. Beth tells the camera that she could strangle David. Dom tells us that the Beach House "ain't Melrose Place. We don't all love each other," demonstrating that he has never seen an episode of Melrose Place, or else he would have said that it wasn't Melrose Place because they aren't all sleeping together despite the fact that they hate each other and/or are related to one another. Aaron spouts some babble about being understanding of one another's differences. Snore.

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