Last week: Tami had an abortion. Then all the other copywriters where I work got laid off and I had lots of work and I cried and cried and stabbed myself several times in the eye with a rollerball pen. And then this whole election thing happened and I'm still watching CNN, like, twenty hours a day. Blah, blah, blah, excusescakes. I took a long time to write this. Sorry.
Beth is all curled up in the phone nook, and Jon is eavesdropping. Beth giggles to the person on the other end that she has this friend, and this friend of hers lives with these two girls who go to UCLA, and guess what the two girls who go to UCLA have? The clap. Ha! Sorry. If you can't make fun of your own school, what can you make fun of, I ask you? No, seriously. Seriously, they don't have the clap. As far as I know. What they do have is a copy of the 1993 "Men of Westwood" calendar, and guess who Mr. August is? Aaron. I'd like to just comment that I really wish they made Men of Westwood calendars while I was a Woman of Westwood, because I would have bought one because I'm a whore. I mean, because I like boys. Whatever. Shut up. Stop reading this, Mom!
In an interview, Aaron, looking particularly surfer-y, chuckles and says he's never going to take a picture like the one in the calendar ever, ever again. Unless that nice man Larry Flynt calls him again with an offer he can't refuse.
In the confessional, Beth chortles gleefully, as she is wont to do, and whispers conspiratorially that in the calendar, Aaron is naked and is covering his bits with his surfboard!
Then we get to see the calendar, and dude, he doesn't have a shirt on, no, but there's no reason to believe that he has forgone pants; the picture is from the waist up, Aaron is holding his surfboard, and he's probably wearing trunks. Beth just wishes that he were naked. I wish he were naked. Shit, did I just say that? Never mind. Keep reading.
In his interview, Aaron confesses that he's totally humiliated by the picture.
In the confessional, Beth squeals that she can't wait to "drop the bomb" on Aaron. She hugs her knees and rocks back and forth and squeaks like a deranged hamster.
Jon explains that Irene is getting married that weekend, and it's been so very, very hard to bid her farewell forever, but he did help her load her car. Wow, Jon, here's a cookie.