Real World
Wedding Bells, Schmedding Bells

Episode Report Card
Jessica: D | Grade It Now!
Wedding Bells, Schmedding Bells

These Snickers "Pretty, Pretty Panda" commercials remind me of Alex Richmond.

Tami informs us that Irene was the most stable person in the household. That's almost as good being the smartest girl at Clown College.

Jon expositions that Saturday is Irene's wedding. Yip-freaking-yee.

Beth is scared, thinking about whom is going to take Irene's place. Yes, Beth S. is going to loooove Beth A., isn't she?

And Beth gets the calendar. She informs us that she's teased Aaron many a time about the possibility of his becoming a male model. Her friend flips through the calendar to get to Aaron's picture, and I have to watch that shot, like, twelve times to see if I know any of the guys she flips past. I think one of them might be my Literature of the Jazz Age TA. I can think of several men who went to UCLA at the same time I did whom I would like to see featured prominently in a beefcake calendar. You see, I had this little...hmmm, obsession is too strong a term. I had a little crush...Well, there was this guy, who played football, and -- you know what? Forget it, because when he and I finally do get married, I don't want him to know that I was only very slightly obsessed with him for five years and even considered...never mind what I considered. This conversation never happened. Let's get back to Aaron.

Jon, in the confessional, tells us that Aaron told him he would never stoop to something as cheesy as a calendar. Gotcha, Aaron.

Beth peruses the calendar and laughs gleefully.

Beth, Jon, and Glen go to Kinkos to get 200 black-and-white copies of the photo and the pi├Ęce de resistance -- two full poster-size copies. Beth acts patronizing to the Kinkos dude, and then tells us that having those copies made was best twenty bucks she ever spent. You wouldn't be saying that if you ever spent twenty bucks getting your brows waxed, Beth. Holy mono-brow, Batman!

Beth, Jon, and Glen tape the copies of Aaron's picture everywhere -- and I mean everywhere -- in the house: under the toilet lid, on the TV screen, inside the pantry, on the side of the milk carton, at the bottom of a shoe box -- everywhere. For once, the B/M soundtrack mavens make me laugh, as they have chosen the seminal early nineties hit "Rico Suave" to accompany this Xerox-taping montage. It's funny. I chuckled. It will never happen again, I swear.

Beth says that she knew Aaron was going to flip when he saw all the pictures pasted everywhere, and that he was "going to feel like such a joey!" What does that even mean? Is that a Joey Tribbiani reference? I was down with the slang in '93. Where'd this "joey" thing come from?

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Real World




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