Real World
Welcome to Sin City: The Real World Guide to Vegas

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Welcome to Sin City: The Real World Guide to Vegas

As befits a season set in Las Vegas (or any recent season of The Real World, really), the show opens with a montage of debauchery. I might have to copyright the phrase Montage of Debauchery because I feel like I'm going to be using it a lot this season. Anyway, we see footage of people gambling, having threesomes in a hot tub, drinking champagne, screaming at each other, and getting their freak on. Not all at the same time. Well, at least not yet. The season hasn't started. Give it a few episodes.

The credits list off four of the seven deadly sins (greed, gluttony, lust, and anger) while showing footage to illustrate each one. Given that the roommates seem to traipse about half-dressed much of the time, I have a hard time believing that gluttony will come into play at all here. Theo and CJP from the Chicago cast introduce themselves and welcome us. CJP tells us that they are in "Sin City, also known as Las Vegas." Wow, thank you for telling me that. Despite the fact that they are both wearing white bathrobes, Theo is still sporting that god-awful puka-shell necklace. Every time CJP talks, Theo is clearly reading her lines from either cue cards or a teleprompter, because he's looking off-camera. CJP tries her best to impress all the casting agents who are so not watching this crappy special. CJP introduces the first tape.

We are introduced to Brynn, a peppy-looking twenty-one-year-old from Portland, Oregon. In footage from her audition tape, Brynn explains that her father is gay and that her mother is in rehab. As if that wasn't enough material for B/M to cast her immediately, she tosses out that she had a threesome. Did she even bother making the rest of the audition tape? Because she was so in at that point. In casting, Brynn explains that when she goes out, she picks out a guy and always gets him. Then we see footage of her puking in a public toilet stall. Nice. In a casting session, Brynn says that if one her guy friends is talking to a gorgeous girl, she gets jealous and insecure. Then she totally glances at the camera and smiles. She's so incredibly fake. I really think she's as messed-up as she says, but I also think she knows how to play that up for the camera. All this from two minutes of footage. Brynn tells the casting people that she "really, really, really" wants to be on one of their shows. No, really? Because talking about your fucked-up family, promiscuity, excessive drinking, and insecurity didn't convince me of all that yet. Brynn concludes, "If someone pisses me off, then, you know, watch out." Wow, I'm so scared of the tiny crazy girl. Theo and CJP agree that Brynn is pretty, and CJP thinks that Brynn has a little Tonya in her. Theo segues to the next segment in as clunky a manner as possible.

The next roommate is Arissa, a twenty-two-year-old from Walden, Massachusetts. As we see footage of Arissa modeling, she tells us that her mom is black and her dad is white. Arissa also has a boyfriend at home. Not for long! I'm just guessing. Arissa says that she and her boyfriend have never been separated, and even when they break up, it's only for two or three weeks. Do they break up a lot? Because that seems kind of weird to me. And high school-ish. Arissa is very pretty, though, and very soft-spoken, at least in her interviews. Arissa says that she's only slept with three people in her life, and she's twenty-two. Was that supposed to shock me? Am I supposed to think she's inexperienced? Because it doesn't, and I don't. Arissa says that she discovered she was good in bed at some point, and wonders if they will videotape her having sex, because it gets intense. It's hard to tell if she's joking. I think she's joking around, but she's so deadpan that it's hard to tell. Arissa says that people who are serious all of the time are boring. Amen. We need more people like her on the show. So far, I kind of like her. Or at least I like her better than Brynn. Which isn't saying much.

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