Real World

Episode Report Card
Manimal: D | 907 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Who's Afraid of Heather B.?

Cut to Andre shaking his maracas and doing that whole white-man's-overbite thing. A weak bass line does not rock the house but instead plays morosely, as some A/V dorks whirl around à la Lord of the Dance, capturing every moment of rock 'n' roll history. Andre then tells us that the song is about "worrying that you're worrying about it," and that at its core it's real simple. Something tells me that Cliff's Notes could not have done a better job of summing up this little ditty.

Andre gets all auteur on us, and hands out a few camera directions. Bill Richmond, Becky's ex-fling, or maybe her current one on this episode, is the A/V dork directing the video. Various shots of the "making of the video" follow. At one point, the band members sit on the steps, and every single one of them has lush, flowing locks almost to mid-chest. They're almost all wearing leather jackets and stone-washed denim jeans with strategically placed rips. I thought Andre was in a band, not the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. More of Andre yapping about the video, and how's it's so "real" and just "us."

Back to the loft. Heather calls out, "Andre! Don't hate me because I'm beautiful." Andre laughs and says that he won't. Cut to Eric, sitting at the dining-room table and -- surprise, surprise -- not wearing a shirt. With a trace of a Jersey accent, Eric calls out, "Yo, we gonna get loose tonight, Heather?" Heather, absolutely calm, says, "Eric, what I told you earlier today. I don't like you, right?" Eric says, "Well, just pretend I'm not here." Um, Eric, how's she going to do that when you're yelling her name? Heather tells him that ignoring him won't work because his horrible, whiny, affected voice pierces her very eardrums like a serrated knife. Although, I could be projecting some of my sentiments onto her. She says she can hear his voice. Eric says he won't talk. Heather says cheerfully, "Alright!"

Eric is reading aloud the marketing labels on some health-food type items. He is not doing it very well. Julie looks perturbed and disgusted. Eric finishes reading a label, and Julie says seriously that she knows there's more to him than the ingredients of some of those boxes, and she likes what she knows. Eric sort of shrugs and says, "Well, you know that." Julie says that everyone should have the opportunity to know the real him. Eric says he doesn't want everybody to know it. Eric, this is the only time I'll ever say it, but smart move. We all know that even if the Dam of Emotions in the River o' Eric were released, the only thing that would come out would be some reprocessed sewage and a few scattered GNC vitamin bottles. Dead serious, Eric says that he's so sensitive, people take advantage when they see what's really inside him and what he's really about.

Real World

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