Real World

Episode Report Card
Djb: B | 291 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Stop and Smell Deflower

The Police Car Of Ambiguous Metaphor sails in front of the firehouse, sirens blazing, because someone's about to be in troooooouble. Syrus, Sean, and Montana climb back into the house, all haggard-looking. Hangovers can be a bitch, baby. I'll bet those young'uns bounced back a lot faster than you did. Elka asks Montana if she had a good time, and Montana blissfully, ignorantly responds that "it was pretty cool." She then remembers that the conversational exchange actually requires asking about the other person every once in a while, and Elka responds to Montana's inquiry about her weekend, telling her that she and Walter did "all kinds of crazy stuff." Montana voice-overss that Elka was "glowing," and we cut to Sean whispering to Montana in the kitchen, "I wanna get the good sexual stuff what's goin' on when he leaves." Was that even a sentence? You're fired, Sean. Actually, I think you are.

Elka continues her I-like-her-so-I'm-handling-it-as-best-I-can habit of referring to Walter as "babe" every single time she addresses him. That'll do, pig. He tells her that he's going to get ready for bed, which translates to him...er, riding virgin air once more, down in the pool room. But that room, you'll remember, has a camera in it (duh, because the rest of the rooms don't?) that broadcasts the actions of its inhabitants on a monitor upstairs. Or downstairs. Four episodes from the end and I still haven't figured this house out. Genesis helps: "She's downstairs reading poetry to Walter." Not. Montana and Genesis regard the grainy monitor, which is showing their favorite program, "Barely Legal Virgins: Tonight On The Surveillance Channel!" Montana and Genesis gaze in silence for a moment, then commence in screaming. Elka looks up at the camera and gives them the finger, at which point Jason gets all incredulous because he has the opportunity to do so in a public forum, yelling at the girls, "I can't believe you disrupted that. Leave her alone, dammit." But Montana and Genesis keep laughing and screaming and putting their hands over each other's mouths like the lifetime best friends they so obviously are not. Jason marches downstairs and grabs a sock off the floor, placing it over the camera and confessionalizing, "I grabbed a sock." Thanks. "I went down there and covered up the camera. Because I thought that was just acting like a little kid." Spare. This. Recapper. You hideous hypocrite. Montana giggles and mourns, "We can't see nothing now," which is played for laughs and actually amuses. A quick cut did-they-or-didn't-they montage has Kameelah and Montana believing that Walter and Elka didn't have sex, and Jason left unsure with a "maybe they did, maybe they didn't , I'm not sure." Ew. That's so what Timber said after the first time you and she...oh, never mind. Jason makes me five years old. Everyone pipe down so I can hear Jamiroquai.

Real World

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