Real World
Wining And Whining

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Stop and Smell Deflower

I still don't really know why they're in Philadephia. But the next installment of Circumstantial Encounters With Famous People -- that seemed to begin last week with Oprah giving a speech and Jimmy Carter waving and Bill Clinton popping up out of a bowl of soup -- continues here when Kameelah, suddenly outside, running like a madwoman yelling, "Oh my God!" Cut to her talking to a man The Squiggly Hip Font Of Character Introduction informs us is "LL Cool J" (it stands for "Ladies Love Cool James," is what it stands for), ranting on wildly, "I'm not psycho or anything, but we're here with ten children from East Boston, and I was wondering if it would be possible for you to meet them. We were talking about you all last night." In response, Cool (may I call you "Cool"?) nods and tosses out a real chill, "No problem." And you know what? I'm going to forgo the really cynical comment about the sudden altruism and good will toward the children of America that this musical recording artist seems to possess as soon as the MTV cameras show up and start rolling. Instead, I will choose to believe that Cool is genuinely interested in making these lives as full as possible, and that every time a young, out-of-breath woman runs up to him and assures him that she is, in fact, "not psycho," he drops whatever he's doing for a nice, extended meet and greet with the fans. Repeat after me, idealistic types: this is not a publicity stunt. Here I go, believing that: "Awwww. Look at Cool go. Go Cool, go. I might just change my own name to IL Cool J, because at this moment more than any other, I too really love cool James." Cool! Cool! Cool! Cool! Cool!

Meet and greet montage. Have I mentioned my fondness for Cool? Yes? Good. Autographs are signed and photos are snapped. Moments after the publicity stu-- I mean "altruism and good will toward these, the children of America" -- Kameelah and Poor, Poor Anthony share a hug, Kameelah pronouncing the entire experience "so dope." And now to some kind of sporting stadium, the bleachers filled with people and the chaperones accompanying the children across the crowded field area. An announcement informs the throngs that "LL Cool J is in the house," and the place goes wild. Genesis and Kameelah laugh and share a few haughty "been there, done that" high fives, because they had the forethought to sign the intellectual property that is THEIR LIVES over to MTV for half a year in exchange for the opportunity to shake hands with a few celebrities. So, y'know, go them.

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Real World

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