"I've got pieces, but I just can't, like, join them all together." And no, Jacinda is not referring to the time she went to Japan to model when she was sixteen and, well, found out she wasn't exactly being paid to model, if you know what I mean. Okay, remember that scene in Mahogany when Billy Dee Williams comes to visit Diana Ross in Milan where she's become a huge supermodel and he's this civil-rights activist dude so he can't relate to her lifestyle so she gets frustrated and decides to show him what a liberated bitch she's become so she gets all crazy at this Italian party and takes off her top and drips candle wax all over her bad self? Okay, Jacinda is acting just like that...except for the part about Billy Dee Williams, the candle wax, the toplessness and that whole glamorous bad-ass thing. Although God knows what she was going to do to Legend in the name of bad-ass glamour, since she got pretty anxious to find him at some point. "Do you require some effort, balance, and poise?" asks Sharon as Jacinda starts gyrating on the arm of one of their large stuffed chairs for the benefit of no one in particular. Then Michael gets so drunk that he starts throwing himself at biological women. But he's really queeny about it. He keeps clasping his hands together across his chest in this faggy way, wiggling his ass and otherwise surveying the room like he's making sure no one at the party has nicer shoes than he does. "Mike was desperate to get some," says Jacinda, describing in an interview how he came up to her at the party and propositioned her. Jacinda shoots him down, and Mike is all, "Why not?" Jacinda cites the fact that Mike has "tried it with every girl there" that night. Mike swears that Jacinda is the only one he wants but, according to Jacinda, he turns around a few minutes later and starts putting the same moves on Kat. "It's not me," explains Kat in an interview. "It's the fact that I'm there." Well, that and the fact that Mike's too drunk to realize that you don't have a penis. "He was just spreading the joy of Mike Johnson around the party," she says diplomatically. The fire alarm accidentally goes off and that reunites Mike with Hannah the Horrified, who, incidentally, was also dubbed Floozicus Johnsonae by Philip on the boards. In an interview, Mike lies that the only person he was interested in all evening was Hannah the Horrified, as we see him explaining the whole "lucky cigarette" myth to her.
Episode Report CardGustave: C | 268 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT