Real World

Episode Report Card
Gustave: C | 268 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Would You Be So Kind as to Wave Your Hands in the Air?

"Und now Neil is going to perform," Lars officiously announces to the crowd because, as he explains in an interview, he couldn't remember the name of Neil's band. Neil takes the stage and starts performing with yet another one of his forty-seven bands. Normally, I'd say it's great that Neil has regained the use of his tongue, but he's...well, rapping. And badly, might I add. I'd go into more detail, but I decided to go upstairs and huff some oven cleaner as soon as I saw him doing more faux-gay kissing with yet another drunk gross old man. Only, this time he kept the microphone protectively in front of his lips the entire time, thank God.

Neil hands the microphone back to Lars, who uses the PA system calls his housemates to the dance floor. It looks like only Mike, Jay, Kat, and Jacinda were cajoled into following Lars's instruction. "I have a huge bonding experience for you guys," says Lars, putting on that song I really like but of which I can't for the life of me remember the title. It goes, "These sounds [something] through my mi-i-i-i-i-nd" over and over again. The housemates dance luridly. Well, actually only Lars, Mike, Jay, Kat, and Jacinda dance luridly. Sharon and Neil wanted nothing to do with the embarrassingly juvenile ass-grinding the non-Brits were perpetrating on the house. You know, I joke sometimes about Mike being gay or a trannie chaser, but it never really occurred to me that Mike might want a little man sex until this scene. I think something happened plotwise here, but I didn't really notice anything except Mike's butt. Not because it's appealing to me, or anything. It's just all over this next scene. You can't hide from it. Mike's butt is just flailing around from back to front and side to side. It fetches drinks for people. If his pelvis could speak, it would shout, "Touch me, dammit!" He moves up behind Lars (who is sticking out his butt because that's the way he dances) and goes all covert doggie-style on Lars's ass. Thank you, but that's really enough of Mike's butt for one lifetime, okay? Jay admits in an interview that, indeed, they all danced and thrust their pelvises at each other. Lars concludes in an interview that "everyone enjoyed the party." After a while, they start kicking people out. The lights go on and the housemates are confronted with the messy remains of the party...and the sight of Mike and Hannah the Horrified sort of getting busy on one of the couches. Fortunately they're both fully dressed. Jacinda teases Mike about being such a "cheap floozy." "We lay there on the couch for a while," says Mike in an interview. "And after everyone else had gone to bed, we went upstairs." Then they show us this outdoor shot of Attention Deficit Manor from the outside and it's still pitch black outside. What losers! They closed down the party before it was light out. In London, even.

Real World

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