Real World
Wren And Stumpy

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How The Wes Was Won

Bar. Wes's Skeletor "girl" Wren's nose job and gaping mouth and ninety-pound frame are somehow making Wes all sweaty. She tells Wes that she doesn't understand him, being very coy and dry and uncaring in a caring sort of sorority-girl way. He says he doesn't understand her. I'll translate: I speak Moron: she is trying to deflect his flirty conversation with misdirection, aiming to remain on camera for as long as possible while somehow staving off having to have his ghostly appendage anywhere near her. Wes is trying to say he needs some of Wren's no-booty soon. Wes camera-pales that he's let Wren know that he needs to get "serious," but that she doesn't seem to want to get serious. Yeah, seriously infected with HPV and a few other diseases I can't spell, but that have a lot of h's and y's in them. Johanna, clearly mad for some reason, camera-talks that the only reason Wes likes Wren is that all his other hos are easy and she played hard-to-get. Johanna frowns. Then suddenly she laughs maniacally. Ack.

Street. Johanna throats a wiener. Rachel and Wes accompany her as they stumble home down the street. Wes announces that his pasty Schmoo cock is frustrated, and he wonders aloud if he's not getting play because he's hanging out at the bar with Johanna. No, it's because he's hanging out with himself. He should really stop that if he wants any play. Johanna slurs, wondering why this "sexual feeling" is bothering Wes so much. He asks her to be more specific. She says, "You wanna fuck someone." He says she's wrong. Johanna pushes, and Wes finally says that his "problem" of not getting laid is due to his choosing to take on five different beautiful girls at once, splitting his time and spoiling his chances. Yeah, that's your problem, Casper. Johanna finds this just as 'tarded as I do, and laughs, and Wes gives her a very annoyed look. She apologizes but finds the idea that he'd get laid if he only wasn't surrounded by so many hotties as dumb as I do. They stumble on, and he pushes forward, mad, walking ahead of them. Further on, Johanna -- drunk as usual -- says that Wes usually gets "decent" girls, but that right now, for some reason, he's getting really good-looking girls (herself), so he should pick the good-looking ones and stop going for the ugly ones (Wren).

Warehouse. Neh and Wes lethargically shoot mini-hoops. I guess Rachel body-checking the machine to try to get some punker stank didn't actually break it too badly. Neh tells Wes that he should go ahead and "wifey up" Wren. (I hate all their slang. Hate.) Wes says he's not going to -- that just because Wren is in the "lead" doesn't mean that Wren is Wes's girlfriend. God, if those boys actually got half as much ass as they claim to...well, they'd actually get laid occasionally. Wes camera-talks that he's still single, so he gets to do what he wants and have a good time. Yes, but doesn't a girl actually have to consent to letting you have a "good time" with her? See, that's your stumbling block. The whole permission thing.

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Real World

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