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You Make It So HARD, Nic!

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Alex Richmond: D | Grade It Now!
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You Make It So HARD, Nic!

Back in the Hotel Room of Horrors, Ick has her hair piled up on her head. She looks "thoughtful." She and Joe smooch. Gak. They've made up, apparently. Hooray. Some schmaltzy music plays. The closed captioning calls it a "slow-tempo rock beat." Smooch smooch smooch.

Back at the house, Ick complains at top volume about her hotel. Brown water, cockroaches, blah blah blah no hot watercakes. Dan takes her hands in his and Nic whips her gorgon head around to summon Joe, who manages, "Are you touching my woman?" Dan says, "Her attitude is five feet in front of her." Cyn says, "She just gets on my nerves. Complainy-BIRD." Hee hee!

The housemates prepare to go out. As they head out the door in various stages of gussied-up, Melissa summons Cynthia over so that they can share snarky remarks and bust on Ick. Melissa explains, "We're taking shots at the girl all night." I love Melissa for that. The roomies and Ick and Julie, invisible girl, wait in some mall-looking foyer-type place. Ick asks, "Can I kiss you under this bush?" I am so not touching that one. Not so far away, Dan tells the story when Ick shook his hand and crushed it. Melissa and Cesar all yell, "Me too! Me too!" The Miami Clown Machine sits down and eats, with Joe and Ick snuggling and nuzzling to beat the band. No one can eat with that going on. I pause the tape and capture Flora in a very Regan-from-The Exorcist moment. Joe and Ick deep-throat each other, and Cynthia actually shudders. Finally, the "happy" "couple" reverts to their native tongue, baby talk. Ick says cloyingly, "We can't kiss no mower." Joe asks, "Why not?" "Becawse we're in pub-lick." LEARN IT. LIVE IT. The scene ends with a close-up of Mike's incredulous face, and we're out.

Another business meeting in the house. Zzzz. Someone asks, "Does everyone know what we're doing?" No, explain it again! KIDDING. They fight about having part-time jobs, and Cynthia explains that her "car will be mother-fucking-possessed" if she stops working. Mike gets mad and stomps off. Tense guitars, and we're out.

Cynthia and Joe are cruising around in a convertible. Cynthia seems to be trying to talk some sense into Joe -- honey, just get a hammer and knock it into him. Either that or take up residency at a brick wall and start hitting your head against it -- forever. "She's just not cute, Joe. She's not! She's not!" Cynthia IS smart! She puts her hand on his, on top of the gearshift, and before you can say "sitting in a tree" the dynamic shifts. Cynthia loves Joe. She looooves him. Joe says, "All girls hate her." No, that's fear. That's normal. Cynthia says, "You could do so much better than that!" Mm-hmm.

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Real World

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