Real World
You Make It So HARD, Nic!

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: D | Grade It Now!
You Make It So HARD, Nic!

Cynthia and Joe chow down at Burger King. Cynthia chomps on her Whopper as Joe blabs on: "I don't care that you think she's a bitch. Other girls are too easy. She gets mad that I grind up against girls in dance clubs!" Um, hello? Why wouldn't she? Then, Joe's pager goes off. He runs away on tiny legs to a pay phone, and before you can say, "cover your ass," he dishes on Cynthia. "I just had lunch with Cynthia. She wanted to say things about you." Oh, Joe, you are such a tiny little ass.

Joe picks up Ick at her hotel. She looks ornery. Now is the time to start those little legs a-pumping for the proverbial hills, Joe. Ick relays via sit-down that "Joe was an hour and a half late" in picking her up, and the punishment for that is slow, tortuous death. Well, she said half of that statement. Pissy music plays, and they -- guess what? -- fight. He says, "The conversation's over"; she says, "Don't tell me the conversation's over! Don't act like an ASS!" Julie sits nervously in the back seat. She hasn't had a line, or even a word, to say this entire episode. Sad. Joe stops the car and gets out. Ick walks around and gets in the driver's seat. Joe recites, "If you get pulled over or in an accident, you work for me: Computame Corp. Have a good time, Julie, here in Florida. There's a map underneath your seat." It's not until Joe walks into the house that I get it: He's ditched them in a spot convenient for him. What a wiener.

Flora hollers, "I call a meeting!" Nap time! She says in her Russian-soaked voice, "I wanna know how many of you are serious about the business. If you're not, I'll buy you out." An interesting concept: buying a share of a non-existent business. Mike makes a worried face and says the fashion thing is "an extremely risky venture" because of "competition." What a pussy. ["It's true, though. The fashion business has crazy overhead. Like, here's a thought -- start with a store, maybe?" -- Wing Chun] Joe says Mike is "not a risk-taker." I say, "duh." Mike turns into a chicken right before my eyes as he says, "this could really fuck up our lives." ["You know he's right about that too." -- Wing Chun] The group splits up and looks all worried. Landon calls and Joe talks to him, tiny head held in tiny hands. Outside, a tree blows in the wind. Oh, brother.

Portishead plays one of their moody tunes. Melissa pages through a sex-video catalogue -- which is a giant foreshadowing alert, people. She shows Joe one position and Joe pretends like he's shocked. Melissa says, "It came in your name!" Hee!

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Real World




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