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You Make It So HARD, Nic!

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Alex Richmond: D | Grade It Now!
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You Make It So HARD, Nic!

Portishead continue to play as Joe and Ick take a walk on the beach. Grrr! Arrgh! It's impossible not to make monster noises during this scene. It's like a cross between One Million Years B.C. and Planet of the Apes. Ick kicks at seaweed with her monster legs. Yaargh! Ick asks in that -- shudder -- baby voice, "You like me a little more today?" Joe says he does. Monster Baby asks, "Are you saying you didn't like me yesterday?" Oh, sweet GOD. They decide to learn and grow and see what happens. Joe, RUN.

Mike and Joe talk. Mike somehow becomes brainwashed into supporting the business venture. Landon says the word "commitment." Mike repeats the word "commitment." The group seems doubtful. It's like they know they're going to fail. Some MTV-type punk rock music plays. How am I supposed to feel?

Ick and Fifth Wheel Julie jump into a cab. Julie listens as Ick blabs on at top volume: "Cynthia was the one who kept Joe with me when I was dissing him all those weeks. Because I wasn't chummy-chummy with her, she thinks I'm a bitch."

Joe asks rhetorically inside the house, "Is Nic warm and compassionate toward my household members?" Flora theorizes that "she may be jealous." And that the sky, just maybe, can be blue. At times. "I think the way she treats you is not nice." This from Flora? Jesus, what did Ick do, steal a vital organ and sell it on eBay?

Back in the cab, Ick says, "Because I'm so tall, if I'm not smiling people think, who does she think she is?" No, Ick. People think YOU'RE A MONSTER.

Back in the house, Joe says, "She's naïve. I'm not." Melissa says, "You're getting played." Move out of the way! Hey, don't hate the player, hate the game, woo woo. Joe throws a tiny temper tantrum and says, "How am I getting played if I'm seeing other people?" Melissa says, "You don't think you're getting played because you're doing something bad too?" Sing it, sister. A montage of Joe holding his head in his hands several different ways flashes against the screen.

Some eerie slide guitar plays as Ick and Joe square off in her hotel room. I hope to god Julie is off by the pool somewhere, having a tall drink. I'm buying, Julie. "I'm confused. I don't know who you are anymore. I don't think you know how to love somebody." Does it really matter who's saying this to whom? I didn't think so. Ick is wearing a royal blue bikini top with feathers on it! Bwa! "This is about your relationship with other girls!" Joe says, "Everyone thinks I'm in a relationship with some freshman bitch! I didn't fail, but I lost you in the meantime." And with that, Joe walks out the door. Ick walks to the door and bends down to look out the peephole. He's gone, Monster-lady. Happy now?

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Real World

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