Real World
Zach Steps It Up

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Stee: D | Grade It Now!
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Pier 1 Suckports

This show is so compelling that I just got sidetracked for fifteen minutes on John Tesh's website. Turns out he has a nationally syndicated radio show, and I had to go see what that shit was about. And then I read his relationship advice. Which wasn't all terrible. And then I found out he was on Star Trek: The Next Generation. So much I didn't know about that giant-headed Franken-Yanni.

PIER 1! Ugly crap. Ugly crap. The kids shop. Zach voice-overs that they can't decide on wicker vs. leather (oh, no question: wicker!), and aren't making any decisions about anything. Tyler camera-queens that their shopping trip is "as smooth as a C-section." I guess he would rather their trip was like being pulled from a vagina with forceps? (Not that he knows anything about vagina.) Zach drops a candle, and then tells us that Bossman Ricky Croft is getting fed up with their antics. I can't imagine why. Bossman Ricky Croft then steps in and delegates their different tasks. Tyler and Zach talk about "accent colors" ( I don't even know what that means), and then Tyler tells us that interior design is fun. We see them shopping. It's not fun. The kids finally get everything they need -- even though it took them four hours! Holy shit. Four hours in a Pier 1! Worse than death, people.

Landscapers. Tree. Truck. Salon. The kids unload their PIER 1! crap. Loading. Loading. Janelle camera-snots that they started loading in the accessories, and that everything looks good. Building. Building. Jose camera-brows that it's exciting to see all the progress they've made on the salon in just a week. Jose lies that it looks good. Tyler goes out on a limb and praises himself. Way to go, Tyler! Nice to see you finally getting some confidence.

Street. Salon. The camera catches a drunk shirtless beach bum stumbling down the street. Wasting away again in Margaritaville. Hee. Nice. Best shot all year. Salon. SUBWAY SANDWICHES! Commercial, as the kids eat. Svet calls and bitches about some task, and the boys then launch into talking about how mad Svet is that she's not manager and how she's ruining her nice relationship with Zach.

Water. Sailboat. House. Shower. John and Zach take a shower together...well, in separate shower stalls, but you boys can dream. They bitch about Svet. Meanwhile, Svet walks by the bathroom and hears them. She stands and listens. She is such a snoop. Really, her giant boobs are the only thing keeping her from being five years old. More talking. Zach camera-bitches about Svet. He tells John he needs to say something to her. Commercials.

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Real World

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