Real World

Episode Report Card
Stee: D | 426 USERS: B-
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Zach Is A Fucking Douche

Street. Another bar. Zach spits to Natalie, the girl who, we're told, came in third place in the bikini contest. Zach woos her, no shit, by informing her that he is the manager of the Mystic Tan. She pretends to be impressed. Zach mentions that Jose is the assistant manager but Jose is too busy dancing to notice. Or he's pretending not to because, as we know, he hates talking to icky girls. Zach tells us that he likes Natalie's dark hair and dark skin. I'm sure it's not her ludicrously gigantic tits that he likes. Excellent conversationalist that she is, Natalie writes down her website and tells Zach that he can go there and look at all the "hot" photos of herself. Sadly, her attempt to get a plug in doesn't work as they blur out the name of her website. Yeah bitch, it's not like B/M just gives away plugs. You gots to pay them, like, at least a hundred dollars. Natalie calls herself a "loser" because she only got third place. And then she calls Zach a "wonderful man." Wow, she really is a loser. Or drunk.

Later. Zach and Natalie dance. More dancing. More dancing. Tyler has some little girlie friend and she makes snarky comments totally for the camera's benefit, but unfortunately, she doesn't articulate so well so they're lost. Anyway, they make fun of Zach and Natalie. Tyler then camera-queens that their "lustful" interaction made him want to vomit. More terrible dancing. Tyler and Janelle and girlie laugh. Zach makes "sexy" faces. Okay, I vomit too now. Commercials.

Day. Water. Beach. Fishing boat. Seagull. House. FORD! The boys drive. Giant Sunglass Contest continues. Zach talks about Natalie and how surreal it was meeting her. Yeah, douche. It's because you're on the TV! Tyler says that Zach is too concerned about being a nice guy all the time. John asks Zach what would have happened if Natalie had said, "Take me back. I want you to fuck me." Zach denies he would have done anything. Lies. Liars and fools.

Day. Seagulls. Ocean. Signs. Clouds. House. Svet whines to Martin -- whose father is dying -- how expensive flights home are. He's found her a very cheap flight, but it involves her taking a bus to Fort Lauderdale. She reacts as if Martin suggested that she hitchhike on a hobo's back. (Well, to be fair, that's pretty close to the experience of riding a Greyhound. Or, at least, what it smells like.) They argue, speaking, as they do, very rudely to each other. They're going to make a fantastic old couple.

Real World

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