Real World
Zach's Girl Trouble

Episode Report Card
Stee: D | Grade It Now!
Zach Is A Fucking Douche

Key West. Key West. Houses. Salon. Car. Salon. Salon. Inside the salon. Svet's terrible boyfriend Martin calls. He's at the hospital, and his dad is not doing well. He's on a tube and the cancer is everywhere and as soon as they take out the tube, he'll probably die. Svet gasps, her day ruined. No, she's really crying. Martin says that if she wants to come home before he dies she better come this weekend. They're going to wait to remove the tube for at least a few days. Svet says, "I'm so sorry," and they hang up. Sad strings play sadly.

Svet tells the others what's going on. Paula can't remember how to say, "Do Not Resuscitate." Svet sniffles and says that Martin is the only one left in his family and he's going to be all alone. Svet cries. Paula bites her lips, futilely seeking sustenance.

Sunset. Bird. Clouds. Water. Pretty. Night. Streets. Bars. HARD ROCK! The kids go to the HARD ROCK! to watch the Miss HAWAIIAN TROPIC! swimsuit contest. Girls in bikinis. Bikini girls. Jose camera-exposits what's going on. Wow. This is an amazing feat in the annals of television product integration. Two commercials in the span of about three seconds. Congratulations! Bikini girls. The kids cheer. Tyler says, "That is the best ass I've seen yet," getting into it. Bikini girls. Bikini girls. Zach drinks. Tyler laughs. Someone is crowned. Bikini girls.

Inside. John takes photos of the girls. He tells one of them that her nipple is showing. Zach is feeling guilty for being there. Jose tells him that Crystal knows the deal and they already had "the conversation." Despite wearing a polo shirt, Jose is, unbelievably, not popping a collar. This is his formal look, I suppose. Zach camera-fros that they're not a couple yet and it's only been four months since he broke up with his ex and he's not ready to commit. They drink.

Street. Another bar. Zach spits to Natalie, the girl who, we're told, came in third place in the bikini contest. Zach woos her, no shit, by informing her that he is the manager of the Mystic Tan. She pretends to be impressed. Zach mentions that Jose is the assistant manager but Jose is too busy dancing to notice. Or he's pretending not to because, as we know, he hates talking to icky girls. Zach tells us that he likes Natalie's dark hair and dark skin. I'm sure it's not her ludicrously gigantic tits that he likes. Excellent conversationalist that she is, Natalie writes down her website and tells Zach that he can go there and look at all the "hot" photos of herself. Sadly, her attempt to get a plug in doesn't work as they blur out the name of her website. Yeah bitch, it's not like B/M just gives away plugs. You gots to pay them, like, at least a hundred dollars. Natalie calls herself a "loser" because she only got third place. And then she calls Zach a "wonderful man." Wow, she really is a loser. Or drunk.

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Real World




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