Real World
Zach's Girl Trouble

Episode Report Card
Stee: D | Grade It Now!
Zach Is A Fucking Douche

Later. Zach and Natalie dance. More dancing. More dancing. Tyler has some little girlie friend and she makes snarky comments totally for the camera's benefit, but unfortunately, she doesn't articulate so well so they're lost. Anyway, they make fun of Zach and Natalie. Tyler then camera-queens that their "lustful" interaction made him want to vomit. More terrible dancing. Tyler and Janelle and girlie laugh. Zach makes "sexy" faces. Okay, I vomit too now. Commercials.

Day. Water. Beach. Fishing boat. Seagull. House. FORD! The boys drive. Giant Sunglass Contest continues. Zach talks about Natalie and how surreal it was meeting her. Yeah, douche. It's because you're on the TV! Tyler says that Zach is too concerned about being a nice guy all the time. John asks Zach what would have happened if Natalie had said, "Take me back. I want you to fuck me." Zach denies he would have done anything. Lies. Liars and fools.

Day. Seagulls. Ocean. Signs. Clouds. House. Svet whines to Martin -- whose father is dying -- how expensive flights home are. He's found her a very cheap flight, but it involves her taking a bus to Fort Lauderdale. She reacts as if Martin suggested that she hitchhike on a hobo's back. (Well, to be fair, that's pretty close to the experience of riding a Greyhound. Or, at least, what it smells like.) They argue, speaking, as they do, very rudely to each other. They're going to make a fantastic old couple.

Night. Raining. Statue. Stock footage of a garbage man. Now not raining. Zach and John walk, discussing Svet's going home to see Martin. Zach wonders how long Svet is going to stay for, because how do you leave once you arrive in that situation? John hears him, dude. John camera-frats that maybe Svet will go home and never come back...or realize that compared to a dying father, life at the Real World house really isn't so bad. Okay, come on now. Let's not get crazy.

FORD! Driving. They keep discussing. John wears goofy glasses and babbles. Zach thinks that Svet might stay home. John laughs that they'd then get a new female roommate. This gives Zach pause. They joke around. Cold.

Moon. House. House. Svet calls Martin. Svet's father is buying her tickets for the weekend. The conversation is cut to about four seconds. They hang up.

Day. Zach reads email and learns from his mom that his ex-girlfriend Allison called Zach's parents recently. Zach tells Paula that this is his first love and still the only girl he ever loved. Zach then tells us that as well. Zach immediately starts stressing, saying that he never feels good when he talks with Allison and now he's dating Crystal and that's weird and he's going into major meltdown territory here. Zach gets super-dramatic and calls the phone his "worst enemy" right now. Oh Jesus, grow a pair, ya fucking Yeti.

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Real World




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