The River
A Better Man

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
The Condemned Man

But neither of these are the final answer, because he doesn't know the final answer, because he doesn't remember much of the last few months beyond hanging around in that tree, chock-full of malaria and malnutrition and cuteness. What he does not offer, however, is the fact that he just watched a video of himself taping the deaths of people on the crew, death by vine, for which he was personally blamed by Wizard Daddy himself. He does not say that part.


Now that Cappie is lucid, Lincoln takes him up for the debrief. Lena throws her arms around him, startling Lincoln, and Tess just suddenly lays into him about where is her husband and all this mess. Not one single, "Sorry I had to be talked out of leaving you to your death like a dog in a sewer," nothing. Just a, "Nice to meet ya, where the fuck is my husband and why do you have amnesia?"

Well, I'll tell you why he can't remember, it's because he is dead and inside of him it's just vines. I bet that's what's going on here.

Cappie: "Where are all the people on my crew?"
Tess: "They are dead and vanished and it's been months. I guess you were the first one to be separated from the group."
Cappie: "Boy is my face red. Even Lena's dad? I have no information about any of that. Certainly not on this tape in my pocket. Anyway, I don't know anything about anything. You've read the journal, it sounds like a prog rock album. Do you have any idea of the hell it was, being around his hippy wizard bullshit 24/7?"


Jahel thinks about killing Cappie before the storm arrives, but I guess not even Jahel feels like taking Jahel's advice anymore. Cappie plays with that tape and is sketchy some more, and inside him I swear, I'll say it again, it's just vines. Then the storm comes, and instead of going inside or acting like grownups, they all just stand around. But then when it does come, it's not a storm at all. It's more birds.

You know what's super-duper scary? Redundant birds.

No, I take that back. I have no idea how I would react to this kind of Magnolia Old Testament business. I'm guessing no horror or fear, exactly; more like a curious mixture of disgust and validation.

"This is exactly why I don't go out in nature and I'm suspicious of animals, this kind of shit right here. One million birds that weigh more than a softball -- all pointy beaks and claws and plumes -- chunked straight at your head? That's what nature has to offer? Well, you can have it."

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The River




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