The River
Dr. Emmet Cole

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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El Monkeychupa! The Sucker Of Monkeys!

Cole: "Hey, Clark, remember how we love each other in a complicated heterosexual way?"
(Clark: "I really do!")

Cole: "Salsa, don't be sassy about eating worms with me. We've gotta keep you at fighting weight. No reason."

Cole: "Salsa, did you ever think maybe death is a continuum and things like that?"
Salsa: "I'm a dog."
Cole: "Maybe my dead daughter is here with the angel people!"
Salsa: "Even speaking as a dog, that sounds really unlikely to me."

(Sudden jumpcut.)

Cole, looking like hell: "Oh man, I have a disease!"

He calls up Lincoln because he is about to die, he thinks, but Lincoln is so annoyed because the connection is bad and he hates his dumb dad anyway and he's just like like, "I don't have time for this. Why are you bothering me. I am a student of medical sciences. Write me a letter, asshole."

(Lincoln in real time is not selling it, in any scene having to do with this. I like looking at him and I have seen him do some good acting on this show, but damn is it hard to watch him "emote" in these scenes about his dad. Maybe in real life this actor just has a good relationship with his father and can't imagine what it would be like to be on a show of this nature. Or maybe he had the opposite experience and his dad was the Jack the Ripper of dads. Maybe he's just a crappy actor and I never noticed because his face is cool-looking, like a sexy drug addict ghoul. Maybe he was just having a bad day this day. I don't know and I can't say I care, but it's distracting because he's carrying the emotional weight. In some ways this is an experimental episode because it's entirely about a character we've never actually met -- which makes sense in terms of storytelling and is a cool idea, but that's not how you make a TV show. There always have to be the regulars. So Lincoln is our regular for this episode, he's part of the ongoing emotional agreement we're expected to have made with this show, just like Lena was the one last week with Russ that we never met. And up to this task, Lincoln is not. I blame the writing, actually. It's less what would happen if somebody were watching their dead father call them for a snotty phone call, and more like what you would write if you didn't really think too hard about what would happen emotionally, so you just say whatever obvious thing. Like he makes reference later to growing up on the boat and steering on his father's lap and stuff, and it's sweet and all, but isn't that like the first draft thing you would write? And then remember that is dumb and write something better? Nope, not on this show.)

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The River

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