Finally pauses at the point where, having eaten or not eaten the dog, he hears the whistling of the El Monkeychupa and cannot whistle back his little tune, because he is too full of dog meat. Tess throws everybody out, but then tells Linc he can say. The beautiful twisting of the leaves comes closer and closer and the Speilberg music is like, This is scary but also wonderful. There's gonna be magic out there in a sec.
And in my head I got so excited, because what if that was the angel people all along? Maybe it was the face in the tent fabric that scared the blowjobs out of everybody and tore off their skin, and this wonderful movement of the light and the wind, and that lovely friendly whistling sound that he's been warding away -- what if that was just him prolonging the shittiness of his experience and that actually the big scary bright thing was what he was looking for was just trying to get him home. He would shriek his last breath and it would breathe into him, and make him well again, and the dog would come running up, and it would loft him into the air with arms thrown out against the sun... And cut to black.
I mean I honestly just saw that happening in my head, as this was occurring, and it was so vivid and I was so happy -- because he is, honestly, the living end and I want him to find the Source and be happy and just be beautiful and become a man character; you should read the recaplet of this episode at the beginning of this recap to get a clearer sense of how much I did love it -- that when I was thinking about how I needed to do this recap, that scene was the first thing I thought of. Which does not exist. So sometimes that happens with this job.
Instead what really happened in real life is, the Monkeychupa almost gets him, but then somebody else starts whistling his part of the song he made up. It is Amazons. Amazonians. Biounatics. And they are there to carry him through the forest, while -- get this -- filming themselves doing it.
So that goes on for awhile. They strip him naked and lay him by a fire and do magicks of the forest olde, and then keep walking with him through the jungle. And then a Range Rover drives by! Amazing! Those Boiunatics are so much more advanced than we in the First World really understand. It's all Jordache jeans and... no wait, they are taking him to a crazy military outpost! Where plenty of people are just like, "There's a white guy! How curious! Mostly it's just those ones with the feathers and bikini butts."