The River
The River

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 358 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
The Blinded

OH INDUSTRY

Tess: "Clark, stop coughing and ripping out all your stitches."
Lincoln: "Blind Mom, there's a clean towel over your right shoulder, three o'clock."
Tess: "In exactly what system of time management could three o'clock possibly be over my right shoulder?"
Lincoln: "In addition to never being socialized, your upbringing meant I never learned to tell time. Jahel, go stumble blindly through the ship looking for fishing line."

Clark moans and wheezes and bleeds from his abdomen.

BLIND MAN'S ZOO

While Kurt slowly goes blind and keeps it a secret, out on the water with Lena and AJ, and the rest of these dorks stumble around the ship for no reason, Lincoln decides it's time to discuss the affair with Clark.

Lincoln: "So my guess is that when my dad disappeared, you guys were both really lonely."
Clark: "Yeah, right."

Jahel continues to bounce off things and cut herself up and get stared at by Morcegos. I think we are seeing the limits of what this format can really do, at this point.

These blind bastards should really stay put and just listen for sounds, right? Anyway, she goes trap-dooring down into the lower decks, and screams her ass off, so now everybody is separated and trapped: Clark and Lincoln in the galley, Tess and the Valenzuelas in the master bedroom, the Away Team slowly going blind, and an unstoppable stream of violent natives dogging their every step and in some cases banging on walls and shit, I guess because they don't understand doors or windows or how they work.

AWAY TEAM

Kurt punches AJ for literally no reason, and they bitch at each other for a while, and then Kurt is blind and there are Morcegos chasing them around the forest. Soon enough Lena's under a tree with horrible black centipedes crawling all over her body, and Kurt's hand over her mouth in case she decides to alert the tribesmen to the fact that they are lying, barely camouflaged or hidden in any way, inches from where they apparently lost the trail.

INTRACABIN COMMUNICATION

Lincoln: "Where is that useless Jahel? Still clamoring on about the Morcegos? I need that fishing line to sew Clark back together."
Tess: "She's a bit indisposed right now due to the fact that there are pirates aboard."
Lincoln: "Then I guess my only option is to heat up a knife with the stove and then cauterize the wound."
Clark: "That sounds dicey and horrible."
Lincoln: "In other news, I am blind."

The River

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