The River
Magus

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B+ | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
The Dry Spirit

The engine starts, the Valenzuelas dance a happy dance, and Linc runs off in another snit.

Tess: "God, that guy's a pussy."

GTFO, TAKE II

Clark: "You know, though. If that ghost-monster really is Cam Travers in the form of an invisible dinosaur, maybe he can tell us where your husband Dr. Emmet Cole is."
Tess: "I've just got a feeling about that."
Clark: "I know."

DEATH COMES TO THE MAGUS

Jew Guy: "Well, it's been nice being on this show."
Smokey: It's kind of awesome, actually, because he's strapped to his camera, so when it whips him around in the air, what you get is a cartwheeling shot with just his legs splayed out and spinning before you. Smart, neat shot.

AJ: "I will continue to sass the monster! For the sake of art!"
Smokey: Somehow does not kill AJ. I guess since he's British he gets a mulligan on the whole Black Guy First rule.

Jahel: "Also, the engine has been bitten or something by the invisible dinosaur, and no longer functions."
Everything: Swiftly going to hell.
Lincoln: "Well, I guess it's time to do a Krahò blood ritual."

WHITE PEOPLE DOING KRAHÒ BLOOD RITUAL W/OUT INSTR.

Tess: "Lincoln, what are you doing?"
Lincoln: "Hold on, I just gotta bleed into this thing a bunch."
Tess: "But what if it can tell us where your dad is? I'm convinced today's the day I'm going to find my husband, Dr. Emmet Cole."
Lincoln: "I'm convinced today's the day you get my ass killed. Back up."

Tess: "Hellloooo? Mr. Smoke Monster, sir? Here I am holding a picture of a Mr. Cam Travers, who was possibly you in another life. From what I've gathered, you were a bit of a dick even though you had a nice wife, so I guess maybe my husband shouldn't have buried you along the Amazon, like in that ghost story. Aaaaaanyway, do you think you could tell me if my husband is alive?"
Smokey: "I AM JUST A SCARY CLOUD OF CGI! YOU ARE REALLY ASKING A LOT!"

Lincoln: "Can I direct your attention to my blood all over the place?"
Smokey: "IT LOOKS PRETTY TASTY! AND NOT LIKE A TRAP!"
Tess: "But before you go, could you just... How about one ARRRGH-CLANK for yes, and two ARRRGH-CLANKS for no?"

Tess gets her stupid ass thrown all over the damn place, Smokey hops in the Krahò baby coffin, and Lincoln tosses that shit overboard.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12Next

The River

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP