Tess: "Oh my goodness, a white people cemetery in the middle of nowhere? And it's hundreds of years old? We should probably camp right here. Right on top of this cemetery."
Clark: "No way, we can find something way motherfucking creepier if we keep walk... What was that? A child's laughter?"
Everybody: "Yes! We should definitely go toward that sound."
Tess: "Helloo? Ghost child or children? Are you out there? Can you come kill us please?"
La Dejada: "Right over here, you stupid woman!"
There is... A porcelain doll face... Squatting on the ground... With a shaggy black body... That slowly stands up like yoga... Lengthening itself horribly... As the face bends back at an unnatural angle... To reveal that it is actually a baby face being worn atop a monkey's head! A MONKEY! THAT IS SCREAMING! God damn it, show!
Absolutely Nobody: "Uh, we are getting the fuck on up out of here."
It leads... To a tall haunted tree... With a million branches... Each of which is covered in filthy antique dolls... In a million different little flea-bitten, moth-ridden, dirty dresses... Some with eyes open, some with eyes closed... Some of which move around when you're fucking not looking.
Absolutely Everybody: "...And this is clearly where we will be camping. Yes."
EL ÁRBOL MALDITO DE LA NIÑA MUERTA
Lincoln: "Oh man, my titular teddy from that first scene! Old Marbeley. Tied to this devil tree. I should obviously yank it down and put it in my backpack."
Tess: "Your father must have put that in the tree! You know what I think? I think today's the day we find my husband, Dr. Emmet Cole."
Lincoln: "You know what, for good luck I'm just going to pee on this haunted tree and spit my gum in that cemetery and kill some of the haunted monkeys for food and stick my fingers in the haunted dolls' eyes and draw tiny penises on all their haunted doll junk. Take that, haunted tree! No offense!"
AJ: "Cool. I'm going to set up sixty cameras around this campsite to catch you getting ripped limb from limb in the pitch-black darkness from as many angles as possible."
Tess: "But today is the day! No time for resting, even if this haunted devil tree with babies all over it is particularly inviting."
Kurt: "At night out here, the only thing you will find are ways to get killed."
Tess: "I'm going to forget you said that. As will the show. In about five minutes, when we're all running around the jungle like lunatics, getting sucked into devil ponds and spit out of graves and whatever bullshit Lincoln just clearly caused."