Lena: "So wait, that's a demon and not Lincoln?"
Emmet: "Yeah, the Black Snake. The God of Demons. The Boiuna itself."
Lena: "But how did this happen?"
Emmet: "My wife is an A-hole. Long story short, Tess happened."
Emmet: "Lena, hold this jar over Linc's face so a dragonfly will go in his mouth. He will either lez out, or the dragonfly will fight the river inside his skinny body. Either way, it's going to be cool."
Lena: "The jar is getting really hot!"
Emmet: "Just hold it there."
Lena: "I mean it's getting really hot!"
Emmet: "I am not asking you to do anything that complicated, you useless girl."
She nearly drops the jar, but they finally get the dragonfly down him; Linc immediately spits the chewed-up pieces of dragonfly in his dad's face. It's awesome.
Emmet: "Okay, next trick..."
El Boiuna: "You came to me! You sailed on my waters! To steal my secrets! Better men have died for this!"
Lena: "Emmet, don't listen! That's not Lincoln!"
Emmet: "Oh my God I know that."
El Boiuna: "You made the whole world love you, except for the one person who should have! You don't know your own son! The cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon!"
This shit goes on for a while, with Lincoln whining about their estrangement and how shitty of a dad he was. Which I mean, he was, but bitch? You are a grown-ass man. You both are, and you are both capable of working this out like adults. You don't need the magical God of River Demons (which: what) for this, much less the ten tons of whining. It's so dumb.
El Boiuna: "Tess, you ignorant slut! Clark likes to film you fucking Dad! Also, you fucked Clark!"
Emmet: "Pssh, I actually already know both of those things. I'm into it."
El Boiuna: "WE ARE AT WAR!"
Getting no traction with his parents' gross sex life, El Boiuna tosses Lena into the ceiling and then she just kind of chills up there. I guess it hurts, or maybe she just likes screaming. Emmet tells him to cut it out and tries to do some kind of magic on him, but then Lincoln sets Emmet's hands on fire so then they're both writhing around on the floor and it is hilarious. Lincoln, for some unknown reason, starts singing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat." I mean, it's dumb, but it's such a chaotic shitshow and things are blasting off all over the ship and it's pretty great.