The River
Row, Row, Row Your Boat

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
The Dead Weight Of You


Forever, all the hugs, they are here for the horrible awful no-good Cole family. Lena gets: No hugs. Heh. Zero hugs for Lena.

Lincoln: "Wait, so I died? Go back to the beginning."
Emmet: "Well I'm pretty sure you're a vampire or a nightgaunt or something but yeah. I mean, I was dragonflies for a while there. You just never know."

Lincoln, hugging: "I love you Dad!"
Emmet: "You what? But I haven't earned it yet, by some pointlessly arbitrary signifier chosen at random by the bug-eating tweens that wrote this show! You must be possessed. But what monster hugs daddies? I need to look this folklore up. In one of my volumes."


Tess: "I programmed the GPS into the boat or something. Whatever."
Emmet: "Good! On the flip, though, our son is possessed by the Black Snake. El Boiuna. The God of Demons."
Tess: "No, he's just bitchy. I'm sure that comes from your side of the family."

Emmet: "And yet I can't help thinking that with a little effort, I can even make this about me... Got it! The fact that I am surprised by my son hugging me -- that the Occam's Razor of my own self-centeredness says demons are more likely -- means I get to feel bad for myself, as a father and a man!"

Yeah, you know who I feel sorry for? Your child. The one that got shot in the head. That got shot and died and still has to deal with you motherfuckers. What's that great Sidney Poitier speech? "Not until your whole generation has lain down and died will the dead weight be off our backs!" That's how the Coles make me feel. Guess who's coming to dinner? A bunch of bullshitty white people and their stupid zombie problems they keep creating for themselves.


Lincoln: "It's hard making a sandwich with my zombie fingers."
Jonas: "Let me help. I sure am glad you are back to life with no consequences! Or memory of what happened."
Lincoln: "Yeah, I'm a great guy. Not so much my dad, though. Right? Isn't that why you shot at him?"
Jonas: "Hmm."
Lincoln: "No problem, I'm not going to tell anybody. I'm just going to snap your neck and play with your vitals, because I am obviously a demon."
Jonas: "I should go."

Nope! Que lastima! No last errands for old Colgado. El Boiuna snaps his neck, plays with his vitals; the cameras are his to command, so they show nothing.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11Next

The River




Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP