The River
The River

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 431 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
How I Hate Your Mother

Lincoln: "Amidst all this medical stuff, they have medical textbooks! All of which I read last year in my class of medical! These specific ones!"

See, it's shit like that causes you to wonder: What if this show isn't clueless and dumb -- what if it's actually just hostile toward the viewer? Because there was no need for him to say that retarded thing. There's not like a limited number of textbooks in the world that this kind of thing would happen. I mean, I guess it's to help us make the link to him immediately grasping the (nonsensical, offensive) science that they are about to uncover, but... he's a doctor anyway, so...

Clark: "This way missing people locked themselves inside this room makes me think there was trouble."
Kurt: "Not to mention these bloody footprints."

Suddenly they discover a meat locker full of dead bodies. Like piled to the ceiling with dead bodies.

TESS'S HOUSE - 1 MO AGO

Clark: "Okay, we're all set to manipulate the emotions of a depressed woman I am fucking."
Sam & AJ: "Her house smells like sadness. She should clean her shit up."
Tess, from between the couch cushions: "I am so sad!"
Clark: "Cheer up, luv. They found the beacon!"
Tess: "I am so happy! Well, not happy exactly. Annoyingly intense and shrill, moreso."
Clark: "Okay, well, all we have to do is get your son onboard and the whole thing's paid for."

This is what happens when you let men write TV shows: The women suck. Actually, this is what happens when you let sperglords write TV shows: Everybody sucks. It didn't bother Lost fans, because Lost fans mostly like to count floor tiles and watch ceiling fans anyway, and it doesn't seem to bother the three people watching this show either. But it only really pisses me off when it's the women, because it's 2012 right now, and women should be people. Like, automatically.

The River

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