The River
The Experiment

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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How I Hate Your Mother
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

PREVIOUSLY

...Oh, who cares. Amazon, magic out there, everybody's an asshole, yadda yadda.

CHICAGO - 7 MOS AGO - MEDICINE COLLEGE

While their teacher says things that are literally about what's going to happen at the Dharma Compound seven months from now, which is so stupid and lazy. Really? You're going to talk about gene sequencing and mineralized wing masses and the Source and a cure for cancer, all in the same five minutes of a lecture? What's this class called, exactly?

MS303: Stuff The Germans Don't Want Emmet Cole To Figure Out, Seminar.
Guest Lecturer, Harry L. Exposition, DDS.

At least when Lost pulled this constant-coincidence shit they thought they were making a point. They weren't -- of course -- but they were at least trying to do something.

Professor of Science Facts: "Now a major branch of genomics is still concerned with sequencing the genomes of various organisms..."
Lincoln's Girlfriend: "I wish we knew how to cure boredom."
Jacob: "You don't even know, lady."
Dr. This Is So Stupidly Relevant: "...which is mainly concerning patterns of gene expression... Now the most important tools here are the microarrays! And the bioinformatics!"
Lincoln: "Put that camera phone away! I'm uncomfortable being on camera because of my Jonny Quest childhood."
Mr. How Ironic That You're Talking About This: "A study of the full set of proteins during various conditions is called proteomics."
Lincoln: "Hello, Mom? I'm in that class about Dad and Germans and science, please stop calling me. Oh, what's that? Dad is missing? I guess I care."
Professor Of Just Making Shit Up: "...Mineralized biological tissues... The, uh, macroscopic function..."
Lincoln: "Is he talking about people growing wings out of their backs and weird birthmarks that look like the logo of a skateboard company or proprietary online conferencing system? How weird. How weird. Anyway, my Dad is dead and I have to go. Bye, medical school! It's been great learning all of this made-up bullshit fake nonsense that will come in handy later, on the Boiuna."

DHARMA - NOW

Coles: "Dad! Emmet! Dad! Dad! Emmet! Dad! Dad! Emmet! Dad!"
Crew: "What do you think was going on here? Maybe botany, or they were very scientific drug runners. Maybe we should get out of here, since it looks so tore up, as if zombies."
Tess: "[You already know what she says. I'm not going to dignify it.]"
Clark: "By hitting one key on this piano, I can somehow figure out that the whole thing is in tune."
Kurt: "This creepy German music makes me want to suckle a breast of a grown woman."

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The River

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