The River
The Experiment

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
How I Hate Your Mother

Like, e.g., the hysterics of fans of a certain science fiction import which went directly down the tubes a couple years ago -- I still have a reputation for sexism with that group, for criticizing the sexist way it was written, which somehow translated into me being sexist toward a made-up, poorly written person. Which is fine with me personally, I'll drop the mic on any fandom if I feel like it, but kind of weird to read about yourself -- "Jacob at TWoP? Isn't he that fucking misogynist?" -- during your incessant self-googling.

And so I want to be very clear, when I say to you that Tess Cole is a one-note bitch who should be seen and not heard, and needs a man to control and direct her because she is completely lost without one, and in dire need of either a hysterectomy or a vaginal orgasm.


Tess: "Clark, those are dead bodies in there!"
Clark: "I know. I saw them and I smelled them. Remember how there were horseflies everywhere and everybody barfed?"
Tess: "Well, I have this feeling that today is the day we don't find my husband, Dr. Emmet Cole, in a pile of rotting bodies. But I need you to make sure."

...I'm just gonna leave this here:

Quick List!
1. Militarized Germans with guns
2. Genetic and mystical research
3. Piles of bodies in storage areas
4. Elegiac German lieder playing


AJ follows Kurt away from the body locker, while Cappie tries to pull it together long enough to film Linc going in there to check the bodies one by one for his dad's body, which is pretty horrific I guess. Cappie barfs.

Meanwhile, AJ finds Kurt going through a random barracks room which contains a snapshot of him with a lady -- conveniently angled just so, the better to be caught by AJ's lens secretly -- and somewhere in all of this crap we had a flashback I forgot to mention about how Kurt proposed to his girlfriend Hana, and they did it, and then she said she was leaving for the Amazon and he acted like he was not also going to do that. I guess he didn't know at the time that he was going to have to end up being on Magus Mk II or any of that. Point is, they're both in on this thing of covering up the Source/Dharma's research. (Which, get ready for some bullshit like you have never heard.)

Lincoln: "...More parts than bodies. Massive avulsions, like they were ripped off. Other places, there were teeth marks. I don't know."

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The River




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