The River
The Experiment

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
How I Hate Your Mother

Hana: "Hey, guys."
Scientist: "Awesome, good. Hana, could you drive this Cure of Cancer to somewhere?"
Hana: "No! Instead I will gun down all of you, and then shoot the virus!"

So she does that. Shoots that virus. And then -- "The sample's still reactive!" -- everybody starts turning into zombies. So it was the five doctors and Hana that became zombies, and then they ran around eating everybody else. Which is like 60 people, not including Rabbit and (obv) Emmet.

AJ: "Kurt! Even though you have a gun, hate me, and clearly are not on the up-and-up -- and just saw your fiancee turn into a zombie -- I am going to hassle you about your overall agenda!"
Tess: "Hey! Somebody's signaling us across the Quad!"
Rabbit: "Shiny mirror. Coming from the infirmary."
Tess: "[see above]"


Strange Hippie: "Aren't you the girl from that TV show about the self-obsessed lunatic naturophile?"
Lena: "Can I help you, sir?"
Strange Hippie: "I just wanted to say hi, and I'm sorry about Emmet Cole."

(Time lapse.)

Lena drops to the floor, grand malling it up, and once they doctors chill her out she screams, "My dad! Emmet! They're still alive!"


Crew: "Um, how do we know it's Emmet?"
Tess: "Who else could it be?"
Crew: "Literally anyone else. It could be anyone."

Rabbit: "You know how this is a video game? Well, the zombies sometimes go to sleep just long enough for you to cross through the tunnels to the infirmary. Like 20-30 minutes usually. That's how zombies get their rest. Not long enough to walk from here to the gate, I guess, but just long enough for a little zombie nap."

The go through the tunnels, and then it's actually kind of scary because zombies are sleeping down there, and they have to sort of hopscotch their way through them. Even given the limitations in play, though, this is not shot in a very scary way. I guess they just couldn't find a way to make this very scariest part all that scary. At the end of the line is Hana, so after everybody's out of the tunnels and into the stairwell, Kurt kneels down and cops a feel. Then we hear him machine gunning the shit out of the zombies. Or at least most of them.


But then -- and this is satisfying -- when they reach the infirmary, it's just a mirrored windchime that was catching the light. Not Emmet signaling them with a shiny mirror. So once again, Tess has led these people through ninety miles of terrifying bullshit for no reason whatsoever.

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The River




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