Jessica takes the mic and sings something about going ahead with your bad self, and knowing that you got it going on, and bringing it on, sweet thang. Mona totally calls her out and says that she knows Jessica just made that up. Jessica says, "The hook, yeah." And Mona says, "No. The entire song." Jessica gives a little smile and shrugs, saying, "Aren't I adorable? And did I tell you my mamma's a crackhead?" Mona tells the contestants that they need to take the challenges seriously.
And then, fucking Nic. He starts his song by saying, "Mona, here we go, this is for you." Something tells me that Mona isn't going to go all Paula Abdul on him and be grateful that he's pretending to want to get in her pants. His song is nonsense. And he SUCKS. Frank reiterates that he hates Nic. Mona says that there's no diversity in Nic's subject matter, and that it's very linear. Teena calls him a "Wannabe LL," which, we infer by the sound of thunder clapping, Nic does not appreciate.
And then: Fat Marcus. He sings a little ditty that goes like this: "Move to the left, move to the right/ Move to the front and move to the back/ Make your body rock, put a hump in yo' back/ Put a hump in yo' back, put a hump in yo' back." And if you didn't see this episode, I know you will say, "But Potes...that song rhymes 'back' with 'back' and appears to be utterly stupid." And I know that both of those things are true, but you just have to trust me when I say that the song is awesome. I have been singing it for five days straight. Fat Marcus gets a big round of applause from the other contestants, and the judges love him too. Not to mention the whales of the world who are like, "Our boy is representin'!" Fat Marcus gives a big smile.
Melissa steps up and says that she did a little writing to the track, but now she thinks that what she wrote is "too sensitive," so she's going to sing something she wrote previously that kind of fits. This, my friends, is a bad move. Mona says, "Melissa, I wouldn't have known the difference." Heh. Melissa sings her chorus, which goes, "I've got you wrapped around my finger/ I've got you in the palm of my hand." And I always say, what better way to make an impression than by stringing together some tired clichés? I imagine the first verse goes something like, "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush/ It's better to be safe than sorry (yeah, sorry)/ If the shoe fits then wear it/ I know one when I see one." Mona says that they wanted to see the track build and to have the performers write something specifically to it, and so Melissa's using something already written doesn't really serve that purpose. Teena says that Melissa needs more confidence, and also to hold her mic closer. Dallas says that he's really curious to hear what Melissa's original song sounds like. Melissa asks if she can grab her lyrics, because she did a lot of writing. Mona says curtly, "No. Thank you Melissa." OOH, SHUT DOWN! Melissa cries. Boo hoo! Boo hoo!