Road to Stardom
You Ain't Confident, You're Cocky

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I'm Too Punk Rock For This

The contestants team up, grab buckets to collect their earnings, and scramble to their respective corners. Nilyne, Cori, and Melissa have formed a group, and I'm sure they think they will win because they are little and cute, and will have sex in exchange for cash (or, in Nilyne's case, a sweaty head towel).

Akil, Frank B., and Nic have teamed up. Frank says that he and Akil get along well, are hard workers, and can draw a big crowd. I actually think that Akil, with his cute self and his little guitar, would trounce all of the competition if he were allowed to do this challenge solo. He seems most like a street performer, and has some actual talent.

Matthew, Yelawolf, and Fat Marcus have joined forces, and have not a chance in hell of winning.

Jessica, Deltrice, and Eddie make up the final group. Deltrice sings something about God giving her sex appeal. Okay, first of all, this is a blatant untruth. And second of all, I am so sure that sex appeal is one of God's top priorities.

Twenty-two minutes remaining in the challenge! We get a mishmash of footage, and the heinous vocal stylings of each group overlap in an aneurysm-inducing cacophony. I cite this show for the misdemeanor offense of cruelty to a recapper. The voices of Nilyne, Cori, and Melissa rise above the rest, and prove that they are completely unable to sing even in unison. Matthew and Yelawolf do a little choreographed dance together while Fat Marcus takes a snack break. It is sadly more Backstreet Boys than fox trot (though I'll bet Matthew lobbied hard and lamented the loss of an opportunity to wear his sequined character shoes). Matthew says that his group got the worst corner. Excuses, excuses. He yells that he'll take pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters and "even a napkin...if it's clean." Fat Marcus, who is wiping donut jelly off of his chin, says, "Aw, shoot, man, I coulda contributed if that jelly hadn't been so profuse."

More cacophony. Jessica tries to get some cash from a florist, who stands in front of his store and laughs. Jessica voices over that, where she comes from, hustling is like "a born nature." She says that once she found out money was involved in the competition, she was on fire. And, in fact, she's singing at the top of her lungs and going around grasping the hands of individual crowd members. She looks like a particularly crazy and aggressive homeless person. She interviews that, growing up poor, she knows what it takes in order to survive. I do like Jessica, but this motif might get old kind of quickly. She sings her "Gimme your love" song, which we've definitely heard before. But it sounds great and Deltrice, to her credit, throws in a nice bit of harmony. It's too bad God was so concerned with her sex appeal and didn't give her just a wee bit more talent.

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Road to Stardom

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