Road to Stardom
You Ain't Confident, You're Cocky

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I'm Too Punk Rock For This

When we return, Jessica, Eddie, and Deltrice are riding together in a van. Jessica says that this competition is about heart, and that if you don't have heart, "we breakin' you down." And, for my money, Deltrice already looks kind of broke down. Meanwhile, Steve the Hard-Ass makes the other losers load up the bus. Matthew says that it sucks to lose. Well that doesn't sound very Christian of him. The three winners count their money.

And then...crash! We see a bowling ball hit some pins. What could this be, I wonder? And then I see that Missy Elliot has taken Jessica, Deltrice and Eddie bowling! How great is that? It looks like rock n' bowl, too, of which I am a big fan. One time while at rock n' bowl, Djb and his insane knowledge of the history of baseball won me tickets to Six Flags in a trivia contest. On that same night, the two of us tore it up on karaoke at the bowling alley bar, leading the DJ to say, "Wow! Who'd have thought there'd be so much talent at Lang's Bowl-a-Rama on a Saturday night?" Take that, Missy Elliott! Missy says that she's got her own personal ball, which is orange, and which she proceeds to throw in the gutter. And I love that she has her own ball. She has another bad round and tells us, "It's the shoes. See, these shoes been on somebody else's feet." And I know that UPN's budget is small, but for the love of God, get Missy her own shoes!

Eddie says that one of the additional perks of their victory, besides the obvious prize in itself that is free bowling, was the fact that Missy schooled them and gave them a bit of insight "on how to maneuver." He asks her how much "sway" has to do with how far you get in the game. And context clues tell me that "sway" means hotness. Missy says, "People don't care how hot you are: if your personality is messed up, they be like, 'Forget about it.'" She says that of course everybody can't dance, sing, and rap, but that having good character and a story to tell is important. She tells them to make sure that they give it their all and are always on point, because they never know who is watching. Missy says goodbye, and at this point we see that The Pussies -- Holly Hymen, Ebony Nipples, and Ol' Thang -- are there too. Everyone hugs everyone. Deltrice interviews that she knows some people might not want to talk to her when she gets back on the bus, but that she's not there to make friends. She's there to get a deal, feed her family, and get hers, and she's not going to let anybody get in the way of that. And if they try, she will drain them of their lifeblood, steal their money, and use it to buy crack.

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Road to Stardom




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