The Script & The Sherpa

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Meat Is Murder

Cut to the car -- which in some shots is full of smoke, and in others is not. Sigh. Eric, finally catching on, tries to also catch up by hitting on Wick, but he's terrible at it. Lots of wiggling and winking and grossness. "Why do you have to be such a hard-ass all the time?" Wick giggles and they both grin, and it's so great because they're totally acting the part of the Miutrix here, the two of them, all, "You're so pretty and popular and commanding," and I like to think that the Miutrix is mercenary like that. Like, beyond needing fifty dollars for the powder room so they can buy more tits and more coke and more tits. Wick's such a "hard-ass" (which by the way? Totally not true, he's a pussycat and Vince had him by the balls before they even got their drinks and we all know it and honestly I really do think Scott Wick is going to kill himself at some point) because "it's just fucking fun." Shut up, Entourage. Better lines. Better dialogue. Better words of talking. PLEASE. But they both laugh like girly retards anyway. A cop car pulls up flashing so you might miss Scott's second best line, which is "You think I'm a hard-ass?" which he says in a nearly-HBO, subtle undertone. They all start lighting cigarettes and whatever bullshit you do in this situation and Scott Wick lisps out every curse word he knows and I'm kind of starting to like Scott Wick. Actually, at this point are there any characters I still don't like? At least a little? That's progress, I guess. For this show it is. Scott is not only on probation, we learn, but also in N.A. Maybe it's the whole suicide thing I invented way back before, but I find the probation dialogue very foreshadowy because he says about 18 ways that the charges were nothing and stupid and not true, but he doesn't at all say what they were, so maybe he'll try to stalk and kill Vince at some point in addition to killing himself. Man, I miss Melrose Place more than I even knew. Which, speaking of? You better fucking shape up, North Shore. I can't wait forever. Anyway, Vince eye-cheats on Wick with the cop and the cop likes the trailer for the new film, and Vince smiles but I would have been like, "That came out last episode, bitch! Get your ass to the theatre!"

Later, back at the gym from the beginning of the episode I think, Eric's all, they didn't bust us for anything, they asked for Vince's autograph and Fiona's all let's toast and there's wheatgrass so I, you know...I admit, I threw up a little. And not just because the song from that Raveonettes song of the K-Mart commercial where the stars of the WB wear K-Mart clothes and look 100 times better than on their shows. I hate wheatgrass. It combines the worst qualities of both wheat and grass. Eric's all, "What is this, is it wheat? Or grass?" and I can't figure out if it's the same joke -- in which case I might kill myself -- or just a signpost saying, "Cute cultural reference as to the hip L.A. scene" (circa 1991, yes, but you know, it's an Entourage thing). Eric and Drama seem genuinely sad that Fiona's leaving. Not half as sad as I am. She's pretty and funny and not remote-control like the other women on the show. Drama says he wouldn't want her to disappoint "Rammed Ass," and she corrects him, "Ram Dass," her guru, and that's going on the gay list, pal. They laugh and shoot. They all have the same disgusted reaction I do.

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