Simple Life
Dairy Queens

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Dairy Queens

Not Waylon voice-overs that one of the cornerstones of the simple life is a job. I don't think that's one of the cornerstones of the simple life. More like one of the cornerstones of real life. Albert interviews that most people he knows have two or three jobs simultaneously. Meanwhile, back in Beverly Hills, Paris and Nicole interviewed that neither of them have ever had jobs. Nicole adds that she was a figure skater. Okay, someone needs to define "job" for her, because while I'm sure that she worked plenty hard practicing and such, figure skating was a hobby, since I'm assuming she never turned pro or competed in the Olympics. Back at the farm, Janet interviews that she's worked since she was a young, and that it's helped her to develop a work ethic. Contrast that with Paris and Nicole, who interview that they feel bad for people who have jobs. That's okay, ladies. We feel bad for you, since you contribute nothing to society. I'm sure you can dry your tears on your mink coats and high thread-count bed linens.

Not Waylon tells us that the ladies are about to find out how the other half lives. Justin interviews that Paris and Nicole need to experience farm life fully, which they can do by skinning or filleting fish. What is this, Survivor? How did we start talking about fish? Don't answer that. Back in Bev Niner, Nicole interviews that they might have to milk a cow. They both agree that it would be gross. On the farm, Albert interviews that they got the girls a job at their friend Danny's dairy farm, and he hopes they do a good job. Janet agrees.

It's Day Two. An alarm clock goes off, and Albert tells the girls that it's time to get up, because it's 5:15 AM. Oh, hell no. One thing that bothers me about this show is that I think it would be more interesting to see the girls try to do things that the average American takes for granted, and I don't think that the average American gets up at 5:15 AM. I understand that dairy farmers do, but it's hard for me to be annoyed with Paris and Nicole for not wanting to hop out of bed at the crack of dawn.

Not Waylon says that, today, Paris and Nicole will learn what it means to have a job. Curly's in the kitchen, cooking breakfast. Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah. Paris gets up, and her shoulder blades just cut through my television screen. Janet fries up some bacon. Mmm, bacon. Paris interviews that they don't have any money or credit cards, so all they have to offer is themselves. I'm sure by now we've all downloaded the video of Paris offering herself up. Sometimes she just hands me the jokes. Paris and Nicole get ready for their day by putting on a lot of makeup. Nicole thinks that the bacon smells good. Paris jokes that the Ledings probably killed it this morning. I wonder if they could name what animal bacon comes from.

Albert interviews that the ladies might think they are just being fashionably late. Janet interviews that she told them that the girls are representing the Leding family, and that their actions reflect on everyone in the family. Oh, that's bad news. Albert asks the girls if they can speed it up a little bit, because their workday is supposed to start at 6:00 AM. Paris agrees, but she's still in her pajamas. Nicole brushes on even more makeup. The girls interview that they're "really excited about [their] first day of work," and that no one thinks they can do it, but they will.

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Simple Life

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