Simple Life
Green Acres

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Green Acres

Paris and Nicole are giving interviews on a red carpet for the premiere of their show. The interviewer asks if they are ready for this. I think a better question is, "Are we, the viewers, and in fact all of America, ready for this?" And the answer is, "It's December and sweeps are over, so why the hell not?"

The same type of announcer who does all of FOX's overblown promos voice-overs, "We took Paris Hilton -- model [shots of Paris on some runway wearing hardly any clothes, which seems sort of antithetical for a fashion show], jetsetter [quick shots of Leonardo DiCaprio, P. Diddy, and Hugh Hefner], target of the tabloids [and I'm sure FOX is completely appalled at the coincidentally-timed release of the sex tapes], and heir to the $360 million Hilton fortune." That wasn't even a complete sentence. They took Paris where? WHERE?

Next up is "Nicole Richie -- singer [shots of Nicole rapping or something in a club, which makes me wonder if she's as terrible as that other child-of-a-Commodore turned reality star, The Real World Paris's Adam], notorious party girl [which is what I told my guidance counselor I wanted to be in junior high], and daughter of superstar Lionel Richie ["superstar"?]."

The announcer asks what these friends have in common "besides fame, fortune, and white-hot sex appeal?" I have to confess here that I think Paris Hilton is not at all pretty or sexy, and Nicole is just all right. I don't get the sex appeal thing at all, but apparently other people do, so I'm just going to go with it. I am, however, fascinated with the line between Personality and Celebrity, and Paris Hilton is very much a Personality. So that makes her sort of interesting. Anyway, what Paris and Nicole apparently have in common (besides the aforementioned qualities) is that they're giving up their regular lives to go live on a farm for thirty days, with "no money, no luxury, and no clue." That doesn't even make sense, because it implies that normally, each of them has a clue about something. And I don't think they do. Back at the red carpet, the interviewer asks what Paris and Nicole's friends think. Nicole says their friends think that Paris and Nicole won't make it, and that everyone will love to see them suffer. Nicole's response to those friends: "You know what? Fuck off because we're going to be great." In that moment, I kind of love Nicole a little bit.

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Simple Life

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